When Your Kid’s Friends are a Bad Influence
It is only natural that as a dad you may find some of your kid’s friends to be a bad influence. Because you don’t wish to alienate your child or hurt anyone’s feelings, you want to approach the issue with sensitivity and an open mind. Yet, you also want to forestall the building of possibly toxic friendships.
What follow are three types of bad influences along with suggestions for handling each offered by Matthew Goldfine, PhD, clinical psychologist with the Columbia University Clinic of Anxiety Disorders
The Delinquent Kid
As per Goldfine, delinquency can be contagious and your role as parent is to identify specific behaviors of the troublesome child that worry you. These behaviors can include disrespect of adults, vandalism, stealing, bullying, or physical abuse. These kids have little impulse control and will thinking nothing engaging in risky behavior or even running up the family credit card balance without permission. If you discover that this kid is pressuring your child to join him/her in their activities, it is time to end the friendship immediately.
If you are uncertain regarding the degree of this child’s bad influence, consult with his or her parents and teachers to see if this behavior is repeated at home or school. Alert both the child’s parents and teachers with regard to the type of behavior you have observed. In most cases, they will relate similar stories which will validate your concerns. Be considerate and assume that the parent’s have good intentions. Make every attempt to build a relationship with them so you may each successfully address the situation. According to Dr. Goldfine, barring illegal or overly toxic behavior, allowing your child to hang with a harmlessly mischievous kid (the prankster) is probably okay.
The Annnoying Kid
This is the kid that will leak the news about Santa Claus and explain the birds and bees to your child. This child, more than any other, will strip of your child of his or her innocence. This type of kid may entice your child to take on their mannerism, bully those who are perceived as weaker, and act cruelly toward other children and even animals. As with the delinquent child, look for behaviors that you and your spouse have decided are off-limits. If the kid’s annoying behavior doesn’t progress beyond myth shattering, you can probably address the situation relatively easily by sitting down with our child and explaining things more clearly. You may need to move the calendar up on the birds and bees talk but look on it as a opportunity to correct any misperceptions that s/ he has been told. Should the behavior be more severe, Goldfine advises that it will again be important to speak with the child’s parents and teachers so you may all arrive at a solution together.
The “Follower” Kid
Feel proud since your child is popular! Elementary age children tend to be highly demonstrative with their social interactions so that their clingy behavior is a sign that your child is someone they desire to be around. This is not really very problematic so it is fine to let your child decide how to handle it. If s/he is comfortable with all the attention, just let it be even through you the behavior is a bit weird. However, if your child is annoyed by this follower and wants to spend more time with other friends, Goldfine advises that you sit down with your child and think about how she can extricate herself from the situation. One possible solution is for your child to spend time with this needy friend on certain days but visit other friends the remaining days.
One further suggestion to limiting the amount of time your child spends with children you deem a bad influence is to get your child involved in extracurricular activities and sports, so that s/he has the opportunity to meet peers that will exert a more positive influence.
Daniela Baker is a social media advocate at CreditDonkey, where she helps families compare credit card deals to save money. She’s also a mother of two. What do you do when some of your kid’s friends are a bad influence? Leave a comment below.
It is such a delicate balance of monitoring your children’s friends and being too much in their face. BUT, with the horrible abuse of drugs and drinking, you have to be on top of this. Peer pressure is real. It’s always been real.
As my kids get older, I am becoming more and more aware of all of these types of kids. Needless to say, I am already having the “be your own person”, “be respectful”, and “remember you have my name” talks to both of them.