Our 199th Dad in the Limelight is Mike Murtha. I want to thank Mike for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.
1 ) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)
In my career, I am a Project Manager for a large IT company, and therefore I have been around technology for a very long time. When the kids call me a nerd, I remind them that this nerd is putting roof over their head and food on their table! Be nice to the nerds, I always say, because you may end up working for one! At home I’m one who takes pride in trying to embarrass his kids (and by default, his wife). Whether it’s dressing as a leprechaun and showing up in my son’s 1st grade class, or dressing as the school mascot while my 8th grade daughter was cheering at the football game, my position is that if the kids aren’t mortified, then I’m not doing my job!
As Facebook and other social media sites became mainstream and my daughter started getting involved, I too took an interest, mainly to keep an eye on her. I found it was pretty easy to get a lot of details on her friends and their activities, and I was pretty sure these girls didn’t realize that their info was so open and available. In some cases, I felt compelled to go to a few parents to point out some of the things their kids were putting online, and in most of those situations, the parents were completely unaware of what their kids were up to. So my daughter made an offhand comment, suggesting that I should teach a Facebook class to parents so they can keep up with their kids. Well I took her up on that suggestion, and started to put myself out ‘in the limelight’ so to speak; I have held several ‘Facebook for Parents’ classes locally, and have also been blogging on related topics on my Facebook Dad blog (http://www.facebookdad.com) and on Twitter as @FacebookDad.
2 ) Tell me about your family
My wife and I are proud parents of a daughter in college, and a son in high school. Our kids are very different from each other; the girl is always surrounded by friends, is completely comfortable in the spotlight, and enjoys coordinating the events of the day. The boy however is more of a lone wolf; he enjoys individual sports like golf and tennis, loves reading, and generally is very comfortable by himself. It’s harsh in our house; the jokes and barbs are relentless! But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
We have been on a quest to reach all 50 states before the boy graduates from high school. We’ve been pretty successful thus far, with 45 states down, and only 5 to go (in case you’re interested, the last 5 are AK, CO, UT, NM and AZ). We make it a point to go to all the cheesy roadside attractions, and always try to eat at the local establishments, staying away from the basic chain places. We’ve experienced po-boys in New Orleans, lobster in Maine, oysters in Oregon, buffalo in South Dakota, and deep dish pizza in Chicago, just to name a few.
3 ) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
Being away from home for business has been the most stressful time for me as a father. Being in IT for a large company, there have often been times where my work takes me out of town. I love the work, but these always seemed to be the times when the kids got sick, the furnace broke down, or some other crisis arose. It was almost comedy how frequently problems would arise when I was away! Luckily my wife can handle pretty much anything thrown her way…
4 ) What advice would you give to other fathers?
I hardly feel qualified to give advice to other fathers… At times, I look at myself and wonder how I got to be in a role with such responsibility; some days I feel still like a kid myself! (But of course my own kids will remind me that I’m getting old – see comment above about it being harsh in this house!) I suppose if I were pressed to provide advice, the best thing I could say is to just do what you believe is right when it comes to your kids. Don’t worry about what other people think, you know your kids best. There is no wrong way or right way, just your way.
5 ) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.
Since the reason for my inclusion here in the “Dads in the Limelight” series is due to my involvement in technology, I will address this from a technical point of view. It’s easy to let the kids fall into the trap of being enveloped in technology, and not have ‘regular’ communication with their family or friends. I try to stress that online communication is a great tool, but just that, a tool. It is not a replacement for real-life communication, and there has to be a balance. In my work I use technology all day long, but there still is no real substitute for the personal touch. Given the increasing ubiquity of technology, I try to make it a point to my kids that anyone can send an email, but if you write a letter, you will be remembered. A text message is not as memorable as a phone call, and a phone call is easily trumped by a personal visit.
6 ) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
I’ve found that universally, Dads take offense to the fact that much of the mainstream parenting topics are mom-focused. (show of hands: how many Dad bloggers got a generic email sent to them with the greeting of ‘Dear Mommy Blogger’?) Generally in popular culture, the dad is usually portrayed as the simpleton of the family, practically another child for the mother to handle. But guys really just want to be the best parent they can be. And by the way, dads do not ‘babysit’ their own kids – a babysitter is some kid that you pay on a Saturday evening; a father takes care of their kids. Moms take notice!
Throughout this journey, I have seen fathers who have to deal with such formidable situations in their lives, that it reminds me how lucky I am to have two happy and healthy kids who can do whatever they put their mind to. It helps me keep things in perspective when times get tough.
7 ) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
Being a parent gets better and better with each passing year. There are tough times, no doubt, but every issue shall pass, and it always gets better. All those crises just blur into the background, and only the good memories remain. I also have discovered that what works for one child may not work for the other. So much for leveraging my experience with my daughter toward my son; it was almost like starting over! But that certainly made things more exciting; just when you think you know what to expect from your kids, they always surprise you…
8 ) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
There is nothing better than seeing my kids succeed in something that is important to them. Whether it’s my daughter finishing her first half-marathon at age 16, or my son making the audience howl with laughter from up on the stage, that is one of the greatest feelings in the world. In general, with each accomplishments the kids reach, it reinforces that fact that I didn’t totally screw up as a parent!
If you have any questions for Mike, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!
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