fatherhood Archive

Our 104th Dad in the Limelight is Markus Watson of Father411.com. I want to thank Markus for being a part of this series. It has been great connected with him and now sharing him with all of you!

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Markus (Mark) Watson and I was born to be a Dad. I’m a life coach for fathers and my company is Father411(Father411.com), professional voice over artist, serial entrepreneur  and I’m currently writing a book about dads and how to be a better one. I’m ex-army and have an “old-school” fathering style as it relates to discipline, respect and rearing. My favorite quote is “The Way You Do Anything, Is The Way You Do Everything”

2) Tell me about your family.

I’m married to my Lesley, my Chief Chick and I’m the father to the best son alive, Malcolm (9) from a previous marriage. He’s musically gifted, well adjusted and the reason I exist.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

The largest challenge I’ve faced as a father was moving away from my son in early 2008. I live out of state and about 1200 miles away from him. My greatest obstacle as a non-custodial dad is not being there physically. I’ve learned that through technology (emails, Skype, web chats, texting and phone calls that I can help with homework, see is concerts (recorded) and maintain
a positive presence in his life.

That the biggest mistake we can make is to try to be perfect. Our children don’t need us to be perfect, they need us to be present.
Children evolve daily, so do their needs. As dads we have to adapt to keep up Being a dad is like shaving no matter how good you shave today, you’ll still have to shave tomorrow.

I work a lot, but I look at work as an extension of my responsibilities as a dad. As a father coach, I use my experience as a father as my foundation, while my voice over career started by making up characters while playing with my son or putting him to sleep.
So I guess, my calling as a dad prepared me for my career path.

I’ve learned that as many different types of dads that are out there (married, single, non-custodial, military, traveling, etc)
that we all struggle  with the same issues. We’re all connected and want to be the best, but sometimes we get…sidetracked and need a little help to get us back on that path. We’re all more alike than we are different.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Being a dad is the greatest experience I’ve had in my 40+ years of life. I’ve been blessed and charged with God-given responsibility of another life. I’ve learned that I can do anything for the betterment of my son. My time as a dad has shown me that the 4 sweetest words ever spoken are “I love you dad”. Those words are uplifting and makes a bad day better and a good day great!

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Oh my, there are so many…Seeing my son born and having him squeeze my finger. His first soccer goal. Seeing his confidence grow as I was running behind him while he was learning to ride his bike and then seeing his face as I told him afterwards that I let go 1/2 block prior. Seeing his passion about his music. I have been blessed to be able to travel to see some of his best moments, which make them MY best moments.

If you have any questions for Markus, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 103rd Dad in the Limelight is Joe Brazier of Manhood vs. Dadhood. I want to thank Joe for being a part of this series. It has been great connected with him and now sharing him with all of you!

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

My name is Joe, I’m 30 this February.  I have been a lot of things in my life: college athlete, grad student, teacher, coach, husband, father, friend, Christian, American.  The aspects of my life I am most proud of have remained being a husband and a father.  I am in the limelight because I grew up with my mom and step-dad, and met my bio-dad when I was 22, and when I was 19 I realized I was fatherless (due to failings and absences), and that has left a hole in my soul.  I have a blog about searching for manhood without knowing the directions to get there.  I also look at how manhood and dadhood seem to be in opposition to one another in American culture.

My wife and I have been married for 6.5 years.  We’ve known one another and our families since childhood, and didn’t pursue a relationship until going to college in different states.  We have a 4 year old daughter and a 1 year old son.  We are most-likely done having our own children, but we both feel that it is a strong possibility to adopt in a few years.  We are not sure if we’d adopt from another country or from within the US; I think we’re leaning towards another country.

The largest challenge I’ve had in being a father has been in not having mine around for support or help.  My step-dad (who raised me) has proven himself to be a man I cannot trust around my kids, and a man I will not have around my kids.  Whatever relationship we once had, is completely gone; that’s all I can say about that.  My bio-dad (whom I’ve only known for 7 years) has not been around, and because of that, he does not know how to be around.  The death of his father 8 or 9 years ago prompted him to try and repair relationships with his own brothers and with his sons he has not been in contact with for over 20 years.

In place of a supportive father figure, I’ve had my oldest brother (by 15 years).  And even though he does not take the place of a father figure for me, he has offered some advice and support that has been helpful.  But having to become a father without one to get support from or validation from is most challenging for me.

The best advice I can give is for fathers to love your wife.  Our children learn A LOT about relationships from what they see us do.  I work with secondary-aged school kids and they are trying to figure out how to understand themselves, how to understand their friends, and how to understand the other gender.  They will relate to the opposite gender how they see us relate to our wives, and they will expect to be treated (this is HUGE for dads of girls) the way they see us treat our wives.  Love your wife, openly and appropriately in front of your children.  Let them see that this wonderful woman is the center of your life, and they will grow to love a man (or become a man ) that does the same.

I have a really simple answer for this.  I do not balance it; my family is my #1 priority.  I’ve been a dad-blogger since October 2010, but I’ve been blogging for just a couple years now, and I do it in between the family activities.  I enjoy being around my family… my wife and kids… too much to let something take me away from them.

I have learned that being a dad who loves his wife, and is engaged with his children puts me in an elite group of men I’m proud to associate myself with.  I’ve learned that we do not have to be perfect, but we do have to keep trying.  I have learned that NOTHING can replace the love of a father.

I knew I loved kids, but I didn’t know how much I would enjoy the 0-18 months stages of my kids.  Seeing the growth happen at such a fast rate is amazing, and I’m glad I was able to be around to see it.

The most memorable experiences have been the family trips we’ve taken.  We have not had the luxury of fitting our lives around our kids, so we’ve had to throw them into our lives and they’ve been awesome.  When my daughter was 18 months old, my sister-in-law got married in Greece.  So the whole family made a trip out of it and we took our daughter to Greece.  She got to play in the Mediterranean, and see the Akropolis.  We took both of them to Cali, and Canada and we’re going to Minnesota this summer, and maybe Portland.  We are not wealthy by any means, but we feel that the experiences are worth so much more in the long run.  The best thing I get to experience now is my two kids playing with and enjoying one another.  My parents fostered competition among my siblings so we never got along very well.  I love to see them getting along.

If you have any questions for Joe, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 100th Dads in the Limelight are Wayne & Jonny Lifshitz of  The Piggyback Rider. I want to thank Wayne and Jonny for being a part of this series. I first met them thanks to my review of the Piggyback Rider Product. It has been great connected with him and now sharing him with all of you!

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)
We are the brothers, fathers, inventors that designed and currently market the Piggyback Rider™.

2) Tell me about your family
Our family moved through Europe during WWII from Poland and Germany, to the UK and eventually South Africa.  We (and our younger brother Bryan) were born and raised in South Africa into a large extended family, that was well integrated into the local community. Every weekday and weekend, we were surrounded by relatives of one sort or another. Even friends were thought of as family. In 1980, we immigrated to the United States with our parents. No longer surrounded by an extended family, Southern California became our new home. Each of us headed off to a different PAC-10 university, pursuing our individual strengths: business, science and international relations (Wayne); and science, engineering, computer science (Jonny). Before long, we were living in different countries, time zones, or states from one another – each far-flung from our first U.S home in Irvine, CA. Next, we became husbands and independent professionals, and soon after, fathers. Between 2003 and 2010, we had six children (5 boys; 1 girl). Our kids became the impetus for the genesis of the Piggyback Rider™. Currently, we still live three states apart, within the same time zone, but the internet keeps us close.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?
Time. Finding time to (1) relax, (2) spend time with our wives and (3) engage in quality time with the kids and teach them everything they need to know. Daily duties of homework, washing, eating and cleaning often get in the way of all three. Thus, we designed a product to increase the quality of our times together. Over the past two years, manufacturing and marketing the Piggyback Rider has reshuffled some of that quality time. Thankfully, it is a family business and everyone plays an important role.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?
Play with your kids. Listen to the way they interpret the game rules. Let them use their imagination to expand the boundaries of play. We have found that this increases the quality of the time you spend together. Our advice is to apply this simple play and listen rule applied to building lego, crashing cars, dressing up, making crafts, using technology and of course every sport available.

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.
Sleep less. There is no compromising quality, whether that quality is in the workplace or time spent with family. By sharing the responsibility with your business partner (brother) or your spouse, it is possible to maintain quality control, without compromise. However, sleeping less is always an option and a necessity at times.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?
No one is above human nature. Everyone goes through the same difficulties and periods of doubt. Regardless of YOUR particular ‘issue of the moment’, someone has been there, someone will be going through it and the remainder have yet to go there. From that perspective, the online community is invaluable to discuss possible options for any given situation – home, work or recreation.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?
Fatherhood is a remarkable ‘look in the mirror.’ Children look up to and emulate their parents, copying every nuance and gesture. Be the person you want your child to be!

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?
Laughing like a two year-old, with my two-year old! Sharing a conversation. Watching my oldest son transition (out of diapers) and into a toddler; his nightly bathroom visits cemented the fact that we now have a roommate.

If you have any questions for Wayne or Jonny, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that they get them so that they may be able to respond!

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Our 98th Dad in the Limelight is Vincent DiCaro of the National Fatherhood Initiative . I want to thank Vincent for being a part of this series. It has been great connected with him and now sharing him with all of you!

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I am Vice President of Public Affairs for National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI). NFI is the nation’s largest nonprofit working to end father absence and help fathers be the best dads they can be. We have the largest collection of fatherhood skill-building materials in the nation, and we have distributed over 5.7 million of these resources since 2004. Since 2002, in our role as a capacity builder, we have trained over 7,400 people from over 3,400 organizations on how to deliver programs to the fathers in their communities. We can be found at fatherhood.org, @thefatherfactor on Twitter, and on Facebook.

I met Chris at the Modern Media Man Summit, as we both share a passion for talking to and about fathers.

2) Tell me about your family

In 2006, I got married to my wife, Claudia, and in January of 2010, our first son was born. He has my name… and my eyes!

The fatherhood legacy in my own family has not been great. Both of my grandfathers were not very good dads. But my own dad worked hard to turn things around in our family, and now he is helping me be a good dad.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Since my son is only one year old, the biggest challenge I have had is knowing that my involvement is valuable. In their first year, mom is really front and center in a lot of ways, but dad is just as important. His role is different, not better or worse. I think I, like many new dads, am eager for my son to reach the point when he can talk and we can play sports together. But until he can do that, I still have an important role to play.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

First, just be there. Be present. That is the only thing no one else can give your child – your presence. It is the unique gift that you can give your child, and it alone communicates so much to your child – that there is nothing more important in the world to you than your child, and that is why you are there. What would it mean to your child if you are not there? What out there in the world is more important?

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

Work/family balance has been a relatively smooth road so far. I have a job that allows me great flexibility, and the job itself (promoting responsible fatherhood!) lends itself to allowing dads to spend time with their families and not work 80 hours a week.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

That our presence matters. That we play a unique and irreplaceable role in our children’s lives. That loving our child’s mother is incredibly important.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

That patience is incredibly important. As I mentioned above, I think dads have a tendency to want to rush things to the point when they can play catch with their kid in the backyard. That causes them to undervalue the importance of all the years before that happens. Those years are just as important.
We have recently discovered that our son loves music. When he hears it, he almost always starts dancing. So now, my wife and I sing little songs to him from a musical book we got him. Our son loves it. For me not to be there for those moments would be terrible. Playing football in the backyard can wait.
What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

I love when I pick my little boy up from daycare at the end of the day and he smiles the moment he sees me. That simple moment at the end of each day is what I cherish the most.

If you have any questions for Vincent, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 97th Dad in the Limelight is Lance Burson of http://lance-myblogcanbeatupyourblog.blogspot.com/. I want to thank Lance for being a part of this series. It has been great connected with him and now sharing him with all of you!

Hi, I’m Lance and I have no idea what I’m doing as a blogger or a parent. According to the internet that makes me an expert. I recently turned 40 years old. I divorced in 2006 but remarried a great woman and have three daughters. My day job is a communications manager for a fortune 500 company. My other gig is writing. I have been blogging since 2005. My most well known site was a myspace music blog in 2005 and 2006. My current blog http://lance-myblogcanbeatupyourblog.blogspot.com/ has been running since May 2010. I have a very active twitter account @TLanceB and guest blog on occasion. I am not a fan of the band Rush but the I like the song Limelight. I think that answers the question in two ways.

2) Tell me about your family.

In November, 2008 I met the love of my life, Deana aka Bobina aka @deana_bo on twitter, married her, and blended my family of myself and now 7 year old daughter, with my wife, and now 15 year old and 6 year old daughters. That’s right, I live with 4 women. Even if you are not religious, pray for me. I need it. We adopted a golden retriever in 2009. He’s a boy, but he’s as much as diva as the women.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

When I first became a father, in 2003, with the birth of my now 7 year old daughter, I was clueless. She was born in a difficult time of a difficult marriage and her mother was very sick. I was walking around at 3am, feeding a tiny little girl watching Sportscenter and singing Beatles songs. I thought nothing could be more challenging. Then, after my divorced, I met my wife and two newer daughters. I didn’t believe the stepfather horror stories but I thought about them. Everything is working out. We all treat each other as if we’d been around one another since their births. Being the dad of a teenager is very hard. I am blessed with a beautiful, talented, smart, funny, interesting, and special young lady. Her six year old sister is equally as awesome. Juggling the multiple families is difficult. Their are mixed messages each child receives. I just try to be as good for each of them as I can be.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

I grew up with a great set of parents. They were hard, fair, old school, and loving, even if they didn’t always show it. Every child is different. I have to talk and listen to my kids. Because I said so, and do what I say don’t work like they did when I was a kid. Be their exmaple of what good, fair, kind, and human is. They don’t want you to be perfect, they want you to be you. Don’t lie and don’t be something you aren’t they’ll see right through it. Admit your frailties, tell them what’s expected of them, hold them to that standard and love them when they screw up.

Work is work, Home is home. My kids know what I do when I am not playing games, barbies, and football with them. I involve them with my writing froma  point as using them as muses and relating their experiences and mine into something I can relay to blog readers. My teenage daughter is interested in journalism, a field I worked in a sports and news reporter in the late 80s and early 90s. I talk to her about that, advise her on how to to pursue story angles, and show her my writing when she asks.

If you are judgemental, you will get whatever bad there is in life to receive. There are not only many ways to skin a cat, there are also many wasy to talk about the skinning. Fathers, especially the ones who write, tweet, and blog, aren’t hung up on showing their superiority like mommy blogger are. Instead of internet knife fights about breastfeeding, food preparation and coupon picking, dad bloggers tend to share their stupid mistakes, rational fears, and anxious moments. We are all full of crap, but if out heart is in the right place ecah of us, as fathers, will be what we need to be for our kids in the long run.

If you high expectations, you’ll always be disappointed. If you have low expectations, you aren’t giving you wife, kids, and yourself enough credit and you’ll find only unhappiness. Treat each day like surprise birthday party. I struggle with this philosophy but I;m getting better. Most of all, put your spouse first, even above the children. This will put you and her on the same page in regards to raising the kids. They will see a united front of principled examples.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Watching my girls grow up. My teenager went to homecoming with a boy this past fall. Seeing her so young ladyish was moving beyond words.

Seeing my daughters be compassionate to other people, especially children younger or less advantaged than them has been unbelievable. It’s the stuff they do when they think you aren’t watching that’s the most rewarding.

If you have any questions for Lance, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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