dads in the limelight Archive

Our 206th Dad in the Limelight is James Hudyma. I want to thank James for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1)      Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

Look up, waaaaay up!

I’m not as tall as the Friendly Giant, but with two children at home (4 and 18 months) and Grade 3 students at school, I feel like a giant. Tallest of all is the tremendous responsibility that comes with being a dad and a teacher. At school I work in loco parentis and at home I am parentis loco. Kids are always looking up at me but more importantly, they’re looking up to me (seeBeing a Dad). How did I get to this place?

In 1995 I dropped out of college to tour Canada as a guitarist with various bands. My only responsibility was to show up and play well. Luckily, I had a lot of success; unfortunately, that success had no value in the real world. Then I turned 25.

I grew up in Nipawin, a little town in Saskatchewan. My life plan was simple: become a teacher, get married, and have kids. When I turned 25 I wasn’t even looking in the domestic direction. I didn’t have any money or decent work experience. It was time to grow up.

I used my few years of experience at the U of S to get a job working with adults with special needs. My boss was a beautiful young woman who was way out of my league. Now she’s my wife (and still the boss). How did that happen? In short, I grew up.

2) Tell me about your family

My wife and I waited to have kids. After two unstable years teaching in Saskatchewan, we moved from Saskatoon to teach in Grande Prairie, Alberta. As soon as we signed our permanent contracts, we started family planning. I was so excited to be a dad. Unfortunately, we lost our first child. After time and healing, we tried again.

Our daughter was born just over 8 weeks premature. We spent the first sleepless month of her life in the NICU worrying. Coming home from the hospital was very emotional. All these years and our home finally had a baby. Then the baby grew into a toddler and all hell broke loose.

To say our daughter is challenging would be a huge understatement. Along with behavioural challenges and chronic insomnia, she is also visually impaired (see A Different View). Despite our tribulations, we wanted a second child and after my wife taught enough days for a maternity leave, we started trying before we changed our minds.

At 23 weeks with our second, my wife began early labour. Luckily, labour was halted and our humongous son was born slightly overdue and very healthy. Although healthy, he was so long his hip didn’t develop properly in the womb. After 10 months of intensive physiotherapy, our son is able to walk.

Grande Prairie is a hectic city. With oil and gas, our city has continued to boom as if the recession were just news from another country. Money comes fast and easy. Raising kids in this environment is very stressful. With big money comes harder drugs, faster vehicles, and less responsibility. Boys drop out to make insane money in the patch. Girls marry young, have large families, and live off of their husbands’ oil money. Will our kids buy into this culture? We hope not.
3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Because I waited a long time to become a dad, I wasn’t used to working around someone else’s schedule.  As I mentioned earlier, my wife and I are both teacher and therefore work the same days and the same hours.  We lived very me-focused lives.  When babies were added to the equation, it rocked my world.  In short, my greatest challenge has been moving from selfish to selfless.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

You have to take care of yourself when you can.  Eat healthy.  Stay active.  If at all possible, get some sleep.  A dad can’t give proper care and attention if he’s unhealthy and exhausted.
5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

As a teacher I deal with children all day.  I instruct, guide, correct, praise, and manage behaviors all day.  When I get home, I need to do the same things with my own children.  It can be very overwhelming.  Learning to balance home and school has been very challenging.  I’ve learned to be more efficient at school so I don’t have to bring work home.  In order to avoid bringing home to work, I try to arrive 30 minutes before the students arrive to get centered.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I have an amazing group of dads I interact with on Twitter and Facebook.  Mostly, we keep each other sane by sharing the lighter side of parenting but every once in a while we reach out in order to deal with the darker side.  It’s great to have that support.  They’ve taught me that I’m not alone and that if you need help, ask.

In my local community, most of my friends are also parents. I’ve learned a lot from watching how they deal with their kids.  They’ve also taught me the importance of getting out once in a while, whether that is on a date with your wife or a night out with friends.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Parenting is hard work. When illness hits, it’s even harder. When your kids are going through a phase, it’s even harder. If you have a behaviourally challenged kid or a kid with a disability, it’s even harder. No matter what kind of kid you have, parenting is hard work. In a moment of despair, it’s okay to question whether or not you made the right decision when you planned (if you planned) to become a parent.
What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

I was able to be there for the births of both my children.  It literally brought me to tears.  Aside from those two momentous days, my most memorable experiences have been watching my kids learn to communicate.  It astounds me when I finally get to hear what is going on inside their minds.  My daughter’s vocabulary grows daily and my son is just learning to talk.  Very exciting.

If you have any questions for James, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 205th Dad in the Limelight is Chrus Efessiou. I want to thank Chris for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I am an entrepreneur and business leader.  In the past 20 years I have founded, co-founded, developed, and managed multiple successful enterprises in the healthcare industry—all the while being a committed and present single parent.  I have built each company and my career as a whole on the belief that people need to be respected, consulted, mentored, and empowered to bring out the best in themselves. Presently I am the founder, president, and CEO of SRxA-Strategic Pharmaceutical Advisors, and I am also honored to be a visiting professor and guest lecturer at numerous academic institutions, including George Mason University’s School of Management, and Northeastern University. As an entrepreneur  I am also an advocate for small business, and serve as member of the Management Committee of the Small Business Council of the United States Chamber of Commerce, and I am a frequent  keynote speaker on various topics, nationally and internationally. Of recent, I have been in the limelight as a result of my new book with the title CDO Chief Daddy Officer which recently made the Amazon Best Seller List ranking on the top 7% of all Kindle Editions.  CDO Chief Daddy Officer is the review, examination and application of transferable business skills to the business of parenting.
2) Tell me about your family

Until 3 years ago, I was a single dad to a lovely daughter who is now 24 years old and who plans to get married to a wonderful young man next year.  Juliana, my wife and soul mate of 3 years, is the mother of 3 daughters ranging in age from 27 to 40.  She, too, raised each of these fine individuals as a single mom.  So I am delighted to say that since Juliana and I met 5 years ago, we have singly and collectively been able to enjoy life as we never knew it before; a life of love, respect and care for one another and for our children.  What is more is that our four daughters, each of whom is a profoundly self-confident, loving, companionate, and successful woman refer to one another as their sisters and to us as their parents.  It all happened on its own early on, but to this day each time I hear it, it takes my breath away.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

The largest challenge and even larger reward of my life has been raising my daughter.  Her mother and I separated when she was 7-years-old. Two years later my ex-wife informed me that she was moving out of state and taking my daughter with her.  I was devastated with the news since my daughter and I were incredibly close and in my mind I was gearing up for a potentially ugly custody battle to prevent the father-daughter separation from happening. When I explained to my daughter of her mother’s impending plans and asked my daughter how she felt about moving away from me, she answered “she can move wherever she wants to but I am staying here with you.”  With these simple words I was launched into the single parenting of a young pre-pubescent girl with no experience or manual for the most important job of my life, I stuck with what I knew best which was developing and running a business, and I discovered that the same skills critical to success as a business leader, seamlessly transferred to parenting. The results exceeded my wildest expectations.  Today, nearly 17 years later, I see my parenting as the single largest success of my life.  Last year, at the urging of my daughter and my wife, I set out to write this book in the hope that my experiences and the way with which I dealt with the challenges of fatherhood would motivate and inspire other fathers to do the same.  Judging from the readers’ reviews on Amazon, it does appear that the readers agree with my point of view on parenthood.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

I must stress that my advice is not that of a professional or a parenting expert but simply the advice of a father who walked down the path least traveled and was met with a successful outcome.  With that in mind, I offer the following in no particular order:

• Parent by Example.  Show your children (don’t just tell them) what to do or how to do it.
• Be an emotionally available and physically present father
• Understand that being professionally ambitious and a loving, engaged father are not mutually exclusive
• Communicate with your children.  This means having a discussion not a monologue
• Demonstrate Leadership and Be the leader of your children and your family
• Demonstrate and Teach the value of Accountability
• Demonstrate and Teach the value of charity and anonymous giving to the less fortunate
• Demonstrate and Teach the value of fiscal responsibility
• Mentor, Mentor, Mentor

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

I always felt that my purpose as a person and as a parent was to work hard to provide the best I could for my family.  Many of us lose sight of the importance of this and are often consumed by our work to the exclusion of our family life.  Too many of us get an “A” as professionals and an “F” as parents.  It is all a matter of priorities.  I never wanted to be an absent father who was successful professionally, for I never wanted my daughter to know me as an acquaintance.  I therefore made it a priority to be available for anything and everything that was important to her and that I considered my greatest success. Most of the times I was physically present, but I was always there emotionally.  While I have been privileged to be able to regulate my own schedule most of the time, I understand that many parents are not afforded the same flexibility because of strict work obligations, travel or other factors.  In these cases, use all means available to you to make your presence known to your child.  If they are in a school play or soccer game and you are traveling overseas, send them a text message just before the walk on stage wishing them luck and telling them that you are thinking of them and you are proud of their accomplishment. And don’t forget to tell them how much you love them.  Believe me, they’ll understand.  Your text message will not substitute your physical presence but it will provide the essence of your emotional presence.  Furthermore, in doing so you are part of their daily wants and needs.  It is far better to do that, than to call them after the event and ask them how it went.  Remember, children have very long memories.
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

There are many fathers out there that are terrifically engaged in their children’s lives.  They know what is important to their children.  They know what music they like, who their friends are, how school is going, what is causing them pain and what is making them happy. Every father I know who does this, undoubtedly has a close relationship with their child. That is not an accident.  Unfortunately, I also know too many fathers that are aloof and detached from their children’s lives. People who do not know details about what makes their children happy or sad.  Those are also the same fathers who are usually most critical of their kids.  They are the ones who would readily admit that they don’t know what is going on with their children.  Fatherhood and parenting take work.  Closeness in a family does not come from sharing DNA;  It is the product of loving, nurturing and caring.
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Like most fathers, I raised my family based on what I believed was right.  I was a parent first and a friend later if that was possible.  I remember many times when my daughter and I did not see eye to eye.  In those cases I always explained my position and the reasons why I’d arrived at those decisions.  When all else failed we agreed to disagree. I never had a problem not being liked by my daughter.  Not being respected by her was unacceptable to me, and I never traded respect for popularity because that is always a losing proposition.  Through it all, I always treated her with the respect I want to receive from her and as a resulted I earned it.  She is now 24 years old.  A thoughtful, loving, caring, unentitled young woman who is phenomenally successful professionally.  What is more is that, she is a fine human being.  What else could a parent ask for?
What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

There are too many of them to mention.  A great many are outlined in my book. If I had to name one however, it would have to be a “Thank You” note she gave me the day she graduated college, in which she thanked me for 30 things I’d done for her.  Much to my surprise, I did not remember a great many of them but it is significant that she noticed things which I thought unimportant.  I have attached it here for your perusal.  Once again, this is proof that children have incredibly long memories, and it is incumbent upon us as fathers to make those memories count.
If you have any questions for Chris, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 203rd Dad in the Limelight is Carl David. I want to thank Carl for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I am a third generation Fine Art Dealer in our now 4th generation world renowned family owned & operated Fine Art Gallery in Philadelphia (David David Gallery). I am also the author of two books (& a 3rd almost finished) and many published articles.

I earned a Bachelor of Arts with a degree in business in 1970 from Oglethorpe College in Atlanta, Georgia. Bader Field is my second published book. I am also the author of Collecting and Care of Fine Art published by Crown Publishers (1981). My article “Martha Walter” appeared in the May 1978 issue of American Art Review. I am constantly being queried by the various art journals and financial magazines for his perspective on the state of the art markets. In light of the fact that the gallery has been in business since 1910, it is considered to be a standard in the industry and is given the utmost of respect for its integrity, knowledge and pursuit of excellence. A recent article I wrote, “The Lure Of Flying” was published in Avantoure Magazine, England, March /April 2009 (www.avantoure.com). Carl has more books in the works. I was recently acknowledged as a resident editor ofwww.flyawaysimulation.com.

I was a charter member of Sotheby’s.com (New York), and am a member of the Art and Antique Dealers League, and La Confederation Internationale De Negotiants En Oeuvres D’Art. Have served as judge for The Manayunk Art Show, co-chairman of the gallery committee member of Rittenhouse Row, guest auctioneer for WHYY, and panel member for The Art News World Art Market (New York) and have been involved with The Friends of Rittenhouse Square, The Free Appraisal Clinic, The Philadelphia Art Museum, The Dealer’s Committee for US Artists, and Rittenhouse Row.

Using my knowledge of the fine arts, I taught “Collecting Fine Art” at Main Line School Night, and served as a guest lecturer at the Philadelphia Library, the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts, and the U.S. Artists Exhibition (2004–2006). I have used art as a backdrop to organize and produce fundraising exhibitions for the Washington, D.C. branch of the National Center For Missing & Exploited Children, the Delaware Valley Burn Foundation, The American Red Cross and The Make a Wish Foundation.

I have completed appraisals and consultations for: the Brandywine River Museum, American Bar Association, The White House, Office of the Attorney General, State of New York, FBI, State Department, Philadelphia Museum of Art, Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts, Union League Club of Philadelphia, Buck Hill Falls Art Association, Law Firm of Ronald A. White, Law Firm of Morgan, Lewis & Bockius, the DuPont Family, the Wilmington Library, The Hagley Museum, Strassburger, McKenna, Gutnick & Potter (Pittsburgh), Wilkes College (Sordoni Art Gallery) Wilkes Barre, PA, University of Virginia, Cigna, and Sun Oil Company.

Along with his expert interest and career as an art dealer, I have serious involvement in both music and photography. I do all of the gallery photography work and have several photographic images hosted on Webshots.com and istockphoto.com. My specialties are atmospheric, landscape and travel always with emphasis on the beauty of nature. In years past various formats were employed, including 8 x 10, 645 (medium format), and 35 mm but today the primary modality is high resolution digital.

Having played piano at a very young age and then teaching myself to play guitar years later, I was part of two rock groups during my late teens. After a lengthy hiatus of several decades I returned to my passion for music. With a mega-keyboard in my studio at home, with headphones donned, I’ve written, composed and recorded nearly a dozen ballads. “My Love For You”) written for my wife, was professionally mastered, arranged, and produced by the legendary Dave Appell of Decca Records and Cameo-Parkway Records. A later song, “Loving You” harks back to the eighties soft rock mode. Several others pieces have been completed and are currently awaiting arrangement and production. When asked “What next”? I answer, “I have no idea; it just comes out when it is ready. I really have no control over it. Creativity cannot be forced; it has a mind of its own. My music speaks to me and has a vivid voice in its non-vocal instrumentation.

For many years, I’ve had a serious interest in and have been a proponent of all aspects of healing. Of particular interest is “hands on” healing and energy work. Animals are of special love and are drawn to me as I am to them. Having worked on several over the years, it is as though I am connected to them by an invisible thread. I have woven spirituality and energy work into my daily life. As a firm believer in “paying it forward,” I knows that karmic debts must be paid, and am very cognizant of keeping a clear conscious and doing the right thing. What goes around comes around, inevitably. Life has thrown me some nasty turns, but instead of being bitter and resentful, I try to learn from each experience and shift the focus toward something positive.

My latest book, “Bader Field; How My Family Survived Suicide” was recently published by Nightengale Press and is now available at www.carledavid.com & www.nightengalepress.com & www.authorsden.com

2) Tell me about your family

We were a family of the 1960′s; two amazing parents and three sons. My father was a worldwide renowned art dealer, my mother a homemaker. We traveled and vacationed together as a family; across the United States by car, to Florida, Canada, and to Europe.  We truly enjoyed each others company and protected one another. My father was the most giving, kind and generous person I’ve ever known. Nothing was too much for his family. We shot pool together, fished, built Go Karts, studied together, played Chess, took long walks together, played the piano together, went boating, flew small airplanes and the list goes on…..

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

I had an extra challenge beyond the normal ones in raising our children. Having lost a brother to suicide when I was just 16 (he was 22), my wife & I had to determine when to let our kids know about that terrible loss. The timing had to be such that they were old enough to comprehend the loss without creating a terrible fear within them but also of an age that they would see the wrath of pain that such an act leaves upon the surviving family members so that they would never consider taking their lives themselves. Disclosing that horrible event to them was in essence insurance for us that they would seek help or counsel if they ever felt that helpless or desperate. They would realize that there is always a better way to deal with what seems like an insurmountable problem.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Love your children unconditionally for they are the greatest gift you will ever have. Teach them right from wrong, not by telling them only but by showing them. Kids will follow what they see you do more than what they hear so by telling them and and then doing by example, they will believe your words.

Always be open to their questions and issues that they present and do so without judgment. Listen to them and what they have to say. Do not dismiss their words. They are human, they make mistakes for that is how they learn. Let them make those mistakes, so long as they don’t jeopardize or compromise their health or that of anyone else.

Be there for them no matter what, where or how. That is part of the definition of being a father. Share your goodness with them, hear them, be their friend but be their parent. Every day that passes is gone so make the most of them and give them your love, affection, kindness and support. They didn’t ask to be born, you did and you created their life so you are responsible to get it right. Just love them, love them & love them!

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

As an art dealer in our own family business, and a writer, my plate is pretty full. I am always working full time with sometimes insane hours but have always made sure that I made time for our children. Daytime was spent at our business while the kids were in school but when I would get home we would all have dinner together and talk about the events of our day. We would then do homework together, work on school projects, read stories, watch television and just enjoy the leisure time as a family. My wife was and still is an extremely dedicated fabulous mother and has always been there for our children. She is a role model parent who has raised the bar or motherhood to new heights.

When our children were asleep, I would then work into the wee hours of the night on my writings. My first book, “Collecting & Care Of Fine Art” (Crown, NY, 1981) was often written on yellow legal pads in parking lots while I was waiting for our children to be let out after Hebrew School where I would pick them up. When I did my national book tour, we took the kids with us; knowing it would give us time to be a family and enjoy the experience together.

Business articles I wrote at work and my latest book, “Bader Field; How My Family Survived Suicide” (Nightengale Press, 2008) I wrote whenever and wherever I had the chance and when the inspiration was there. It took me nearly three decades to bring it to fruition but I had only one opportunity to get it right so there was no choice but to persevere.  I had to go back and relive a lot of pain so it took quite a while as at times it became unbearable and I had to just walk away for months at a time. My wife would tell me, “If it is too painful, then don’t do it.” I would respond, “I have to, I need to do this for the kids so they will know who the extraordinary man my father was and also know the sweet soul of my brother.”  It was cathartic for me, of course and I suppose that seeing my dedication to the book and the relentless pursuit to complete it would also be a lesson to them to never quit or give up on something in which you have a strong belief and passion. My father taught me by word and by example that you can do, be and have whatever you want in your life if you want it badly enough and work hard enough to achieve it. I have always told and shown our children that same unwritten law of the Universe.

With regard to balancing the acts, whenever we took vacations over the years, I would make sure that I got my business done in the morning while my wife and kids were getting ready for the day and then spend the rest of the day with them as a family so that we had the best of all worlds. That always worked well for I am the kind of passionately driven person that cannot live with a missed opportunity to put a business deal together. So vacations were business trips first for me and then family experiences.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I seem to gravitate toward fathers like myself. It is very enriching to be among those who are of the same mind and very disturbing to be in the midst of those fathers who are the unfortunate opposite.  I feel for the children of fathers who are negative. One of my hopes is that the positive message in my book spreads a wave of kindness and awareness to those who have had unfortunate fatherhood experiences and that they will be able to break the chain of negativity when it comes their turn to step up to the plate; that they will be better fathers to their children in spite of their own experience.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Fatherhood is truly a gift but does come with very serious responsibility. At times the challenges are overwhelming; remember we are molding human beings, so we can only do the best that we can do at the time. I have been very fortunate with our children who are wonderful adults now. They have made me very proud; they are healthy, happy & self sufficient; great people and a pleasure to be around. Are they perfect, of course not, none of us are but they each have their own distinct personalities and it is indeed an honor to be their father. Oh, and by the way, you never stop being a father, when you sign on for the job, it is permanent.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

There are so many memorable experiences it would take a book to recount them all. Probably the most emotionally fulfilling was their birth and holding them in my arms. A feeling of ultimate joy! Of course, when they later demonstrated their love and affection, we melted. As they grew and their personalities begin to shine brightly we smiled with beaming pride. With each achievement and accomplished task they make you feel so wonderful. But when they react to a difficult situation with compassion, kindness and understanding, you know you’ve done your job well. They have absorbed the right stuff and exhibit the loving traits which you have instilled in them.

If you have any questions for Carl, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 202nd Dad in the Limelight is Tom Frye of the Frye Family Band. I want to thank Tom for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

I am a singer/songwriter, and also do some speaking. I live in a small town in Indiana, with my family and in addition to music, I enjoy gardening.

My wife Lisa and I met while in college at Ball State University, we’ve been married for 18 years and have three great kids, Kaylyn 17, Maggie 16 and Jonathon 14.  My children are also my bandmates, which is a total blast! Kaylyn sings and plays bass, Maggie sings and plays keys and Jonathon drums  and also does a little singing.  We also homeschool the kids, which allows us to be able to travel as a  family for concerts and events.  Additionally our family enjoys theatre, we have all been on the stage at one time or another, but the kids have all enjoyed being in several productions, with leading rolls in shows including Annie, Mame, The Sound of Music, You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown and Suesical the Musical, to name a few.

The greatest challenge for me has been simply learning to how to be a good dad.  Both my wife and I were raised in broken homes. My wife’s parents divorced when she was 1 year old and though my parents never divorced, the threat of it constantly loomed over our home, which provided for a life of instability and fear.  I knew a lot about what I didn’t want to do as a dad, but not a whole lot about how to do what I thought was right.  I certainly am not a perfect dad, but I think four things have contributed to giving my children a home of love and stability.

1) Modeling commitment in marriage. Let’s face it, life is hard and even the best marriages have struggles, but being committed is huge thing for our kids to see and feel.

2) Learning to have honest communication.  This has been a struggle at times, especially since it was not modeled to us in our childhood. But honesty is essential to healthy relationships.

3) Having a mentor has also helped me.  Without parents as guides, we have seen great value in finding a family that we respect to give us honest answers to sometimes difficult questions. 4) Our faith is very important to us and we’ve found that even beyond the spiritual dynamics, the Bible is full of a lot of practical advice about relationship both inside and outside of the family.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers? 

I have found that our kids don’t expect me to be a perfect dad, but what they need is a relationship, which takes time.  I take time to allow my kids to work along side me, but I also play with them.  I try to practice honesty and communication and let them know I love them both through word and deed.

Being raised by a dad who was a workaholic this has been tough for me, but years ago when I was selling newspaper ads someone gave me some great advice.  They said: Tom, you can always make one more call, so you have to know when you’ve done your job and then go home to your family.  That advice has served me well and often over the years. But the great thing about playing music with my family is that my passion doesn’t take me away from them. Many of my friends hit the road only to have the internal conflict of leaving their family.  But my kids almost always go with me, which certainly helps to bring some balance to our lives.

Make sure your kids know that you will always love and support them, no matter what. Another one is to not parent for the moment, what I mean by that is address issues as they happen. Just because it’s easier to bribe your child into a right action or give into them to avoid a meltdown, doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do, and ignoring or rewarding bad behavior in children will most likely lead to bigger problems in the future. Also, give the benefit of the doubt whenever possible and don’t stop dating your wife. Even though the last point seems like it’s about you and your wife, it’s important for our kids to see us making our spouse a priority and in the long run affords them more stability.

We have learned to encourage friendship among the children.  So often we hear people say things like, “oh, they are siblings, of course they fight,” and early on, we might have accepted that as truth and made parenting decisions that fostered sibling rivalry.  So we have learned to examine our actions and motives, recognize our children’s God-given talents and interests and help foster them.  This will help each child feel fulfilled and less likely that they will resent or be jealous of their siblings.  And this leads to an attitude of support and encouragement between them, which is a wonderful thing to witness.

Over the years my wife and I have used the word “deliberate” a lot in our parenting practices, but I think it is something that has served us well over the years.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Wow, I’m not sure where to start, I’ve enjoyed every stage, but a few things that stand out. Performing and recording with my children and seeing them grow as artists.  Taking my son to his first Colts game a few years ago, we were able to get a few autographs after the game and as we were walking to the car he put his arm over my shoulder and said, “Dad, this has been the best day of my life,” it doesn’t get much better than that.  Also, recently I had a talk with my daughter about dating, a conversation up until that point I was not looking forward to, but we talked a lot about the pitfalls of teenage drama, honesty in relationships, and considering the feelings of others.. I was blown away at how responsible and mature my daughter has become.

If you have any questions for Tom, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 201st Dad in the Limelight is John Morgan. I want to thank John for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge) The label I like most that’s attributed to me is “Father.” It’s the most important job I’ve had in my lifetime and it comes with lifetime tenure. I’ll never not be a father or grandfather for the rest of my life.   I have had two successful careers in my life. I was in radio broadcasting for over 30 years and have conducted thousands of seminars as a hypnotherapist for the last 28 years helping people to stop smoking and lose weight. http://JohnMorganSeminars.com I do personal telephone coaching to help people in other areas of their life and I write a weekly note of reflection at http://Grasshoppernotes.com and write a weekday blog at http://Grasshoppernotes.com/blog

My experience of being a father got me my first management job in radio. I was interviewing for the position of program director with three people – The owner, the general manager and the consultant. The owner asked me why I thought I could perform well as a program director having never done the job before. I said, aside from my experience as a performer in radio, I thought that my experience as a parent qualified me. He asked, “How so?” I said, “The role of the parent is part psychologist and part disciplinarian. Sometimes you have to wipe a nose and sometimes you have to, metaphorically speaking, kick an ass. Managing radio performers is the same.” He offered me the job that night and noted that my response to his question is what sealed the deal.

I found out quickly that a successful seminar presenter must be a leader. Again, my preparation was parenting. If you’re going to be a successful father, you have to be a leader. Your family is subconsciously counting on you to lead the way. The leadership role is part of our conditioning that gets passed from generation to generation.   The lessons I learned as a father prepared me to lead.

2) Tell me about your family

My family consists of 3 sons and 5 grandchildren – 1 boy and 4 girls. My boys (men) are all special to me. My oldest son, John is married with 3 girls. He works as a Senior Client Services Manager for New York Life. My middle son, Michael is married with 1 daughter. Mike is a Detective for the Orlando, Florida Sheriff’s Department. My youngest son, Andrew is a Cost Accountant for Honeywell and he and his teenage son live with me.   I was married for 28 years, and, together with my wife, raised our three sons who are all wonderful parents. My barometer on how well we do as parents is how well our children turn out. The expression I like to use is that my sons are all “Good Citizens.” To me that phrase reflects on their character rather than on their accomplishments. I believe they bring the ancient Chinese definition of character, which is authenticity, to their lives and that makes them successful in my eyes.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father? I think the biggest challenge of any parent is to work through the resistance you get from your children to ideas you know from experience that will work. It’s an ongoing negotiation and you must remember that you are the adult in the room. That means that they don’t have the experience you have, and you need to remind yourself that you were in their same uninformed shoes at one time. You have to repackage what you are selling and come from a different angle until you make a connection. Being a parent is work, but it’s also your job.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?  The best advice I would give to any father is that you are doing the best you can. There are no perfect parents and there is no manual. You always do the best you can do in accordance with your present level of awareness. If you feel you are not doing a good enough job, work on your awareness. That means to get out of the conversation in your head and actually pay attention to what’s going on. Your actions will improve as your awareness does.  

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

I don’t think your children think of you as in the limelight, but rather as just Mom or Dad. Your career isn’t important to them. The balance of career and home life is not as much about the amount of time you spend with your children, but rather how much attention they get when they’re in your company. It’s more than the catch phrase of “Quality Time”; it’s about how much you are paying attention to them. If you are offering them platitudes or giving them pat answers to their questions, you aren’t paying attention. Paying attention means getting your attention off of you and onto them.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

Other fathers are our teachers. What do you observe them doing that’s getting results that you’re not getting? Reminds me of a story . . . Any father who has attempted to teach their son baseball has uttered the words, “Keep your eye on the ball.” I was no exception until . . . one day I was playing Whiffle Ball at the beach with another father who was an accomplished, amateur baseball player who was striking me out. I told him that I could never hit as a kid. He said that’s because you don’t watch the ball hit the bat. He said, “Watch the ball hit the bat.” After that instruction, I hit almost every pitch. He gave more precise directions than “Keep your eye on the ball.” It caused me to give more precise directions to my sons well past baseball.

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Fatherhood is never over as long as you are breathing. Just because your children are “big and ugly,” as my mother affectionately referred to grown children, doesn’t mean that you can’t be a contributing force in their life. I like that my grown sons still ask my opinion from time to time. The thing not to get hooked on is when they ignore your advice. As my neighbor says, “Everyone has their own fingerprints” and that’s to be respected.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent? My most memorable experience as a parent, which can bring a smile to my face and a tear to my eye anytime I envision it, goes back about 35 years. I was working as an afternoon DJ in Syracuse, New York and would get home about 6:30 at night. We lived in a rented townhouse at the time, and when I pulled into the parking space outside, I could see into the dining area window. There sitting and waiting for me at the table for our family dinner were three visions of joy known as my boys. It’s an indelible memory that gives life to my meaning of father.

If you have any questions for John, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 200th Dad in the Limelight is author of Man Shoes Tom Watson. I want to thank Tom for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers’ knowledge).

Hi.  I’m Tom Watson.  I’m a husband, father, business owner, motivational speaker and the author of Man Shoes (www.manshoes.net), a book written as a journal for my sons after I suffered a stroke 8 years ago, which has turned into a successful 5 star rated book on Amazon.com.  In the past year, I have appeared across North America on TV and radio, discussing the concepts in the book.  As a child I journeyed through 13 different foster homes and was finally taken in at the age of 5 by an elderly couple– a retired preacher and a retired teacher.  Who knows why they took me in as they entered their retirement years – but they did and I attribute much of m own personal success in life to the fact that the Watsons sacrificed much of their retirement to raise a child from the ashes into a productive contributing member of society.
2) Tell me about your family

I’m a husband to Kathy Watson.  Kathy is my second wife.  I was married to Darlene Watson who died at the age of 28.  Darlene and I shared two sons together – Brad who was 4 and Kelly who was 2 at the time of her death.  Kathy came into the boys’ and my life as a friend at first – and over a period of time became an amazing support to us.  To my great surprise, Kathy fell in love with me and I with her.  We married in the summer of 1993 and in the spring of 1994 our third son, Jordan Watson, was born.  Our son Brad is 24 years old; our son Kelly is 22 years old and our son Jordan is 17 years old. We have a great dog named Radar (after Radar from the TV show MASH). Kathy and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary last summer and she has become my greatest friend and supporter over the time we have been together.  I am a blessed man to have such a great family.
3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

I have enjoyed some very good professional success.  I’ve built several successful companies; I have a successful speaking career and my latest professional effort – my book Man Shoes – is gaining attention across North America.  Professional success comes with its own set of demands.  I would say that the single most difficult challenge I have faced as a husband and father is to sustain the balance in my life that is required in order for my family to succeed.  It’s the challenge of learning to “be there” for my wife in body and in mind, ensuring that Kathy and I have a strong, vibrant relationship; learning to “be there” for each one of my boys individually (each son is very different so I have had to learn that “being there” for one son may be very different than “being there” for another).  Finally, it’s the challenge of learning to be there for my family as a whole.  It took a long time for me to figure out the importance of “being there,” but I can say that the more I focus on being there for my family the better I do in my professional life.  A happy home life has translated into a successful, happy professional life.
4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

If you’re married, spouse first, children second.  I believe it is extremely important to build your family on a firm foundation.  For me that foundation begins with my chosen partner, my wife.  I believe that if Kathy and I are strongly united and in tune with one another, our family is more likely to be grounded on a firm foundation and our sons will be more successful because of the security they feel within the foundation of our family.  I live by the saying, “A happy wife translates into a happy life.”   That has worked for me.

For those men who are separated or divorced already, I think my suggestion would be to try to work with your ex-partner to create a supportive climate between the two of you – for the sake of your kids.  In this situation, the formula of putting your children first and you and your spouse second would encourage both of you to do what’s best for the kids.
5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

Being in the limelight is a blessing and a challenge.  My goal is to inspire men and women to pursue their best life, so being in the limelight allows me to impact more and more people with my message which is exciting.  With that said, being in the limelight is a demand on my time and it takes me away from my family from time to time.  The key I have found is to make sure that I am even more intentional about setting aside time for each family member individually – and the family unit as a whole.  I have had to become more creative as I attempt to remain present and relevant to my family.  In some ways, the challenge of making my time count with my family has increased my effectiveness as a father.  In some fashion, I think we all take for granted the time we spend with our family and friends.  Sometimes when we believe that our times together are never-ending we don’t make the most of them.  My family and I know that there will be times we are apart and so we communicate more intentionally and I believe we are more productive while we are together than we used to be when the professional demands on my time were less.
6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

The key thing I think I have learned is that we all face many similar challenges.  We are not in this journey alone.  In my experience, unfortunately I have found that men tend to not communicate with one another about the challenges we are facing and so at times we do feel alone.  So to all you dads out there, you are not alone!  The answers to many of your questions are usually just a communication away with another husband and father.  I’ve learned to reach out for advice – and admit that I really don’t have all the answers.  That’s been a great lesson to learn!
7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Don’t blink!  I remember when we were at the height of parenting – going to bed some nights and just wishing I could get my life back and do something for me.  It sometimes seemed like this parenting thing was going to last forever.  What I have come to realize is that before I knew it, my kids have grown and I’m looking back and wondering how the heck did those kids grow up so fast!  We think we have our kids for so long at home – 18 years or so – but in reality our children tend to start drifting away from us in their early to mid teens.  Friends and social activities become key components of their lives and that often means that Mom and Dad are no longer the be-all and end-all for them.  In reality, many of us begin to lose our kids – before they actually leave our homes and strike out on their own.  What I realize now is the importance of building with the kids in their early years, because once you get into the mid-teen years it is very difficult to make up time and moments.  The kids just get so busy with other things.  I’m grateful that I learned that lesson early enough that I am able to say that Kathy and I have very strong relationships and history with our boys today.  Our boys make time for us now – because we made time for them as they were growing up.  I know a lot of parents who cannot say the same thing about their children today.  So remember: Invest in your kids early.  Don’t blink they’ll be gone before you know it!
What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

Becoming a parent was unquestionably one of the most exciting moments of my life.  Holding my sons – each one – after birth was an amazing moment.  My two oldest sons (Brad and Kelly) have graduated from high school now and our youngest son (Jordan) will graduate this coming spring (that’s hard to believe!).  I think the most amazing thing – the most memorable moments – I have experienced in my life as a dad are the moments when my sons as babies, as children, as teens and as adults have told me that they love me.  For all those times when I wondered if I was a good enough dad, all those times I wondered if I had spent enough time, played hard enough with them, supported them – the words “I love you, Daddy,” “I love you Dad,” “I love you Pops,” “I love you old man” coming out of their mouths are those moments that I will never forget.  They are the moments I look forward to.  They are moments that validate that even though sometimes I wasn’t perfect as a dad, I did enough to earn my children’s respect to be honestly rewarded with the words “I love you, Dad.”

If you have any questions for Tom, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 199th Dad in the Limelight is Mike Murtha. I want to thank Mike for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

 1 ) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

In my career, I am a Project Manager for a large IT company, and therefore I have been around technology for a very long time.  When the kids call me a nerd, I remind them that this nerd is putting roof over their head and food on their table!  Be nice to the nerds, I always say, because you may end up working for one!    At home I’m one who takes pride in trying to embarrass his kids (and by default, his wife).  Whether it’s dressing as a leprechaun and showing up in my son’s 1st grade class, or dressing as the school mascot while my 8th grade daughter was cheering at the football game, my position is that if the kids aren’t mortified, then I’m not doing my job!

As Facebook and other social media sites became mainstream and my daughter started getting involved, I too took an interest, mainly to keep an eye on her.  I found it was pretty easy to get a lot of details on her friends and their activities, and I was pretty sure these girls didn’t realize that their info was so open and available.  In some cases, I felt compelled to go to a few parents to point out some of the things their kids were putting online, and in most of those situations, the parents were completely unaware of what their kids were up to.  So my daughter made an offhand comment, suggesting that I should teach a Facebook class to parents so they can keep up with their kids.  Well I took her up on that suggestion, and started to put myself out ‘in the limelight’ so to speak; I have held several ‘Facebook for Parents’ classes locally, and have also been blogging on related topics on my Facebook Dad blog (http://www.facebookdad.com) and on Twitter as @FacebookDad.

2 ) Tell me about your family

My wife and I are proud parents of a daughter in college, and a son in high school.  Our kids are very different from each other; the girl is always surrounded by friends, is completely comfortable in the spotlight, and enjoys coordinating the events of the day.  The boy however is more of a lone wolf; he enjoys individual sports like golf and tennis, loves reading, and generally is very comfortable by himself.  It’s harsh in our house; the jokes and barbs are relentless!  But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We have been on a quest to reach all 50 states before the boy graduates from high school. We’ve been pretty successful thus far, with 45 states down, and only 5 to go (in case you’re interested, the last 5 are AK, CO, UT, NM and AZ).  We make it a point to go to all the cheesy roadside attractions, and always try to eat at the local establishments, staying away from the basic chain places.  We’ve experienced po-boys in New Orleans, lobster in Maine, oysters in Oregon, buffalo in South Dakota, and deep dish pizza in Chicago, just to name a few.

3 ) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Being away from home for business has been the most stressful time for me as a father. Being in IT for a large company, there have often been times where my work takes me out of town. I love the work, but these always seemed to be the times when the kids got sick, the furnace broke down, or some other crisis arose.  It was almost comedy how frequently problems would arise when I was away!  Luckily my wife can handle pretty much anything thrown her way…

4 ) What advice would you give to other fathers?

I hardly feel qualified to give advice to other fathers… At times, I look at myself and wonder how I got to be in a role with such responsibility; some days I feel still like a kid myself! (But of course my own kids will remind me that I’m getting old – see comment above about it being harsh in this house!)   I suppose if I were pressed to provide advice, the best thing I could say is to just do what you believe is right when it comes to your kids.  Don’t worry about what other people think, you know your kids best.   There is no wrong way or right way, just your way.

5 ) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.
Since the reason for my inclusion here in the “Dads in the Limelight” series is due to my involvement in technology, I will address this from a technical point of view.  It’s easy to let the kids fall into the trap of being enveloped in technology, and not have ‘regular’ communication with their family or friends.  I try to stress that online communication is a great tool, but just that, a tool.  It is not a replacement for real-life communication, and there has to be a balance.  In my work I use technology all day long, but there still is no real substitute for the personal touch.  Given the increasing ubiquity of technology, I try to make it a point to my kids that anyone can send an email, but if you write a letter, you will be remembered.  A text message is not as memorable as a phone call, and a phone call is easily trumped by a personal visit.

6 ) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

I’ve found that universally, Dads take offense to the fact that much of the mainstream parenting topics are mom-focused.  (show of hands: how many Dad bloggers got a generic email sent to them with the greeting of ‘Dear Mommy Blogger’?) Generally in popular culture, the dad is usually portrayed as the simpleton of the family, practically another child for the mother to handle.  But guys really just want to be the best parent they can be.  And by the way, dads do not ‘babysit’ their own kids – a babysitter is some kid that you pay on a Saturday evening; a father takes care of their kids.  Moms take notice!

Throughout this journey, I have seen fathers who have to deal with such formidable situations in their lives, that it reminds me how lucky I am to have two happy and healthy kids who can do whatever they put their mind to.  It helps me keep things in perspective when times get tough.

7 ) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Being a parent gets better and better with each passing year.  There are tough times, no doubt, but every issue shall pass, and it always gets better.  All those crises just blur into the background, and only the good memories remain.  I also have discovered that what works for one child may not work for the other.  So much for leveraging my experience with my daughter toward my son; it was almost like starting over!  But that certainly made things more exciting; just when you think you know what to expect from your kids, they always surprise you…

8 ) What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

There is nothing better than seeing my kids succeed in something that is important to them.  Whether it’s my daughter finishing her first half-marathon at age 16, or my son making the audience howl with laughter from up on the stage, that is one of the greatest feelings in the world.   In general, with each accomplishments the kids reach, it reinforces that fact that I didn’t totally screw up as a parent!

If you have any questions for Mike, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 198th Dad in the Limelight is Jason Roberts. I want to thank Jason for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

2) Tell me about your family

Jason Roberts, 42
married to Aimee Roberts for 18 years
five kids: Caitlin, Ian, Paige, Holden, Ainsley
Virginia Beach, VA

Planted Crosscurrent Church 9 years ago — this is my 17th year in occupational ministry — worked on Young Life staff, as well as church staff’s in VB and Florida
Interests — we are a sports family — spend a lot of time on the soccer and football fields and on the beach. I coach soccer as a hobby and slight obsession.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

There are two things my brain immediately went to when I read this question so I’ll include both.

On an ongoing basis the biggest challenge I have to being a godly father is my own idolatry, especially the idol of comfort. I live in a constant tension and battle against my hearts proclivity to serve, worship and fight for comfort. As a father with five kids who all have activities, opinions, and their own idolatry this is a challenge. If I don’t live in ongoing repentance and faith my heart will gravitate towards pursuing and fighting for my time, schedule, interests, etc.  Instead of investing selfless time and energy into the careful care and training of my children I often find my heart responding in frustration, stress, selfishness and being short fused. I’m grateful for the Gospel and the remind that Christ did not seek his own comfort and instead of selfish ambition and conceit he emptied himself, took the form of a servant and went to the cross.

The second thing is more of an event that challenged us more than anything else but also has shaped us in profound ways. When my oldest daughter was 4 (11 yrs ago) she was diagnosed with a Wilms Tumor, a childhood kidney cancer.  She is doing great now but at the time it was a life shaping event.  There are so many details I could go into but it was a huge challenge for us as we were confronted with questions related to our faith.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Remind yourself of the gospel daily. As Calvin wrote, “our hearts are idol factories” and we need to constantly remind ourselves of the gospel so we can confront our idols of comfort, control/security, power and approval.   Being a parent will expose all the things we love the most and what we’ve built our life upon and often what we discover is that what we love the most or depend on the most is not God.  All the good things that we look to as the ultimate things in our lives will not support the weight of our lives and if we continue to depend on them, worship them, serve them we will be crushed. We need to remember the gospel so we can live in ongoing repentance and faith.

Along with that the gospel is our greatest hope. I keep thinking about the reminder in 1 Corinthians 15:58 that in light of the gospel (creation, fall, redemption & restoration) that we can stand firm, immovable, giving ourselves fully to the work of the Lord because our labor is not in vain.  As a father who works hard but struggles and stumbles along as a father this gives me great encouragement to press on and to keep laser focused on my vocation of the home. When I fail my hope is the gospel. When I succeed it’s because the gospel is sanctifying me. When I fear I can be encouraged by the gospel. When I doubt the gospel renews my faith. When I’m frustrated with my child’s behavior my goal is the gospel not morality. This is absolutely vital as a parent.

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

First I have to understand my vocations. I have to remind myself that God has called me to invest my life into the areas of home, work, church, culture.  There really isn’t an option to drop any of these.

Second, because these are all part of my calling I need to figure out how to invest the limited time I have into these callings.  For me this means that I overlap my time in all four of these areas. For example because I believe that I am called to live my life on mission, to declare and display the gospel to those who are without the gospel, I spend a lot of time with non-Christians. But because I don’t have a lot of time to do this I overlap my callings. So most of my non-Christian relationships are with people that I’m already meeting through my kids activities. Our goal as a family is to make the most of our time by carrying the gospel into ordinary life. Steve Timmis and Tim Chester who wrote “Total Church” talk all the time about “living ordinary life with Gospel intentionality” and this is what we’re trying to do as a family.

Third I have to say no to a lot of good things. I can only do so many things well so when people offer me opportunities I have to constantly weigh whether or not it fits into what I’m being called to do and whether or not it will pull away from my most important responsibilities.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

The time fly’s by.  I know we hear that all the time and when our children are toddlers the time sometimes can’t move by quickly enough. However I have two teenagers now and I feel like we blinked and they grew up.  Enjoy what’s in front of you and the place of life you’re in now.

Also stop seeing your kids as an obstacle to overcome but rather an opportunity to invest in for the rest of their lives. God has entrusted this child(ren) to you. They are a gift. Invest in them and stop fighting against them or seeing them as an obstacle to your hopes and dreams.

If you have any questions for Jason, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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Our 197th Dad in the Limelight is Paolo Pugni. I want to thankPaolo for being a part of this series. It has been great getting connected with him and now sharing him with all of you.

1) Tell me about yourself, (as well as how you are in the limelight for my readers knowledge)

I’m 51, married since 1985 with Franca. We’ve got three kids aged from 25 to 19. We are both consultants, that’s why we are striving nowadays in the turbulence of the crisis, and we both work as volunteers in a parenting association connected with IFFD. We are also senior speakers for education subjects and we use to travel around Italy and Europe for conferences and seminars. We wrote a bilingual blog (Italian AND English) about parenting.

2) Tell me about your family

We married when we were really young: Franca was 22 and I was 24. So we’ve been able to raise an early family: Andrea, our son, was born just 12 months later and Chiara and Letizia, our two daughters, completed the family in the following 6 years. It’s quite funny now to deal with adult kids, who shares interests and support us in our professional jobs.

3) What has been the largest challenge you have had in being a father?

Trying to find out the right balance between love and education: I mean between teaching, setting guidelines, saying no, punishing –of course all when necessary and in an healthy way- and being caught by tenderness. Which actually it’s not love but search for… audience.

4) What advice would you give to other fathers?

Do not resign from your role, do not dilute your role: we do not have to prepare the path for our kids, but our kids for the path. Which mean being rulers and coaches.

5) Seeing that you (or your position) are in the limelight, how have you come to balance parenthood and outside life? If you are currently not in the limelight per se, please still answer this in regards to how you balance parenthood and outside life.

It has been a thought challenge all my life long. I’ve spent many days and nights away from home on business trips. And that’s not all: I spent my professional competencies also in several volunteering activities, sometime very close to where my children “used to live”, as an example in their school. So I had at the same time to balance my outside life with their life and the fact that I was very popular in their environments, and that was not exactly what they liked, being always known as Paolo’s kids…. You know what I mean. What we tried, working as a couple, was to find out quality time, almost all the time spent at home was for the family, and for the kids, and involve them in our activities so that they could feel the family touch.

6) What have you learned from the fathers that you have interacted with?

To be very solid and love your kids helping them to form a strong personality. I learnt that to make them happy you have to give them what they need not what they want

7) What else would you share regarding your experiences as a father thus far?

Never give up, never forget you have a duty a very serious duty towards your spouse and your kids. Don’t be afraid to show your weaknesses, and to apologize when requires.

What have been the most memorable experiences that you have had thus far as a parent?

It’s hard to find just one. I had several ones, I’m very lucky. So let me just tell you the last one I had, on twitter where my daughter suggested to follow my account on the usual #FollowFriday activity, and she wrote: #FF FollowFather: the father whom everyone dream of and would like to have, and who is MINE. What else would you desire?

If you have any questions for Paolo, please leave a comment here and I will make sure that he gets them so that he may be able to respond!

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