30 days to Becomming a Better Parent Archive

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 20: The Power of Passion

– October 13, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Children need to be exposed to many things as they are growing up. As parents it is important to let them explore different types of activities and interests. We need to encourage these interests and not trivializethem in any way (even if they don’t make sense to us).Our children are going through a process of exploration and must be able to make choices and learn for themselves where their true passion lies.Sometimes this means entering your child’s world and coming to a better understanding of what their interests are and why they are interested in that specific item or items. Sometimes it means knowing your child well enough to encourage them to try something that they may not have thought about trying in the past because they did not know anything about it. For example, encouraging your child to try chess because you know that they love to play games that require thinking and logic and then finding them opportunities to play chess if they do find that they enjoy the game.

It is also important to let your children into your own world, helping them to understand what you are passionate about and why you are passionate about these things. It helps to have them involved in some of the activities that you are involved within so that they can understand and see that being passionate about something is a good thing and can truly make your life more meaningful.

For some kids you will have to be persistent and continuous in your encouragement as they may be slower to find a passion for themselves. As parents you have to be vigilant in encouraging your child to continue trying their best to find what will make them happy.

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

What am I passionate about?
What is my child passionate about? What are their interests and why are they interested in them?
How can I do a better job at sharing my passions and interests with my children?
How can I be more encouraging of my child’s interests?

As you begin to answer these questions you may find it necessary to revisit them over time as your answers and definitely the answers about your children will change as you all change and grow.

In researching this topic I came across a few sites that I thought that I would share with all of you:

Today’s task is for you to answer the above questions as well as review the above articles. What are your thoughts regarding this topic? Make a list of your passions and share them with your spouse/partner/friend. Talk about these passions and talk about how you can share these passions with your children. Once you have completed these tasks, come back and share your thoughts with the rest of the group.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 20 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

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30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 19: Visit The YMCA, It’s Not Just A Song

dadofdivas

– October 12, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Today’s children have more and more opportunities to remain sedimentary. They have every type of technology at their fingertips and whether it be television, video games, the computer or other such activities, they can sit for hours inside instead of being outside remaining active.

The challenge with this is that many of our children are beginning to have problems with their health and being overweight due to this lack of exercise.

In examining some of the facts I came across some interesting statistics on this topic at the following site (http://www.fitnessforkids.org/home.htm)

Did you know the following facts?

Every second child in America is overweight, almost all are out of shape and the problem of obesity is becoming more severe every day
Never before in human history have kids been so inactive and eaten so unhealthy
Nowadays kids grow up with a huge lack of integrity, tolerance and respect for themselves, and consequently, of others
Medical science has shown that most adult health problems stem from Childhood. This generation of children is already experiencing major health problems. These serious diseases are occurring at increasingly earlier ages
In 10-20 years an entire generation of young adults will suffer from major health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, cancer and diabetes if we do not educate them today.
Kids are 50% of the world’s population and 100% of our future:

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

What kinds of things do you do on a regular basis (daily or weekly) that require you to be active?
What kinds of things can you do to schedule more activity into your busy day for you and your children?

These questions may open your eyes to the amount of physical activity that you do individually on a daily basis. Do not be discouraged though if you are lacking in physical activity. As most will tell you, you are never to old to begin being active, but as most experts will tell you, check with your doctor before starting a vigorous exercise routine. The below links can provide you with some hints and tidbits on the importance of activity for children, as well as how you can start to move them in the right direction if you are not already doing so.

Today’s task is for you to answer the above questions as well as review the above articles. What are your thoughts regarding this? How can you encourage yourself and your kids to be more physically active? Come up with 5 concrete ways that you will implement to move your family toward a healthy lifestyle. Once complete, come back and share these ideas with the rest of the group.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 19 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 18: Their Lives Will Not Be Like A Movie Romance

dadofdivas

– October 11, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Emulating health relationships is important for our children, as most kids today get something of a warped sense of how relationships work as they watch movies, reality TV and the like. Even through billboards, magazine ad and articles and other such material, our children today are being immersed by a plethora of images that somewhat skews their sense of what does and what does not constitute healthy relationships.

As this image portrays, one would believe that Rhett Butler and Scarlett O’Hara were the perfect couple (that is until you watch more parts of the movie – beyond this scene that is). Thus, though this may look very real in a young it is in fact much more complex than one might see on the big screen.

This imagery starts when they are young with movies that are geared for kids such as from Disney such as: Cinderella, Snow White, Beauty & The Beast, The Little Mermaid (all favorites in the Divadom). While I am not saying these movies are bad examples for kids, I am saying that our children are exposed at an early age to the idea that in relationships everything works out in the end and there is little strife or work that has to occur in regards to relationships. While children may not understand the complexities of relationships they will understand the concept of They Lived Happily Ever After” and as parents it is difficult to help them understand that this does happen, but not always. It becomes our job as they get older to understand the reality of life that surround them in regards to relationships and help them to see what a healthy relationship truly is.

Hopefully they are seeing this on a daily basis within your own home between parents or between other family members. In some homes though I know that there may not always be healthy relationships occurring. These are the children that I end up worrying about.

On the following site I found a breakdown at what constitutes healthy versus unhealthy relationships. They stated that:

Healthy Relationship

The signs of a healthy relationship include:

Loving and taking care of yourself
Respecting your partner’s right to be himself or herself
Having a life outside the relationship, with your own friends and your own activities
Making decisions together, each partner compromising when necessary
Resolving conflicts through open and honest communication
Having more good times in the relationship than bad

Unhealthy Relationship

The signs of an unhealthy relationship include:

Focusing all your energy on loving and caring for your partner
Trying to change your partner to be what you want them to be
Dropping friends and family or activities you enjoy
One partner makes all the decisions
One partner yells, hits, or throws things at the other during arguments
Having more bad times in the relationship than good

In thinking about and researching this, I found the following links that I wanted to share with all of you:

Today’s task is for you to think about the relationships that you have within your life that interact with your children. As you are thinking about these answer the following questions:

Are these relationships healthy for my children? Why or why not?
How can I make my relationships healthier for my children?
How can I help my children understand the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships?

Once you answer these questions come back and share these ideas with the rest of the group.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 18 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 17: Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When To Fold ‘Em

dadofdivas

– October 10, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

As a father there are times when I just want to freeze time and not let my girls get any older. I want to capture their innocence and bottle it up so that they will always know what it was like to be free of inhibition, doubt, and the other cares of the world. In speaking to other parents, I know that they feel similar, and as you child gets ready to go to school for the first time, the reality hits you that this innocence could be shattered at the slightest word, action or thought that someone else may interject and there is nothing that you can do about it besides try and help your child to be ready and willing to stand up for themselves on their own two feet.

The question that continues to ring through my brain is how to best do this, and how best to slowly let go of the reigns that I have to allow for my daughters independence and personalities to develop and flourish on their own.

As Diva-J has gotten older J-Mom and I have continually played the game of give and take and as she starts to become more responsible in some areas, we tend to give a bit more in regards to autonomy, which I think is the nature of parenting. On the other hand, as I said earlier, it is nice to have your little child, and it is difficult to let that go as they get older.

Many of the resources I found when thinking about this topic talk about the letting go process parents go through within the College years. I am thinking of something different as you might have guessed. I am truly thinking about the process of shedding my presumptions and allowing my children to become the people that they will become. This is not to say that J-Mom and I will not do my best to mold and instill in them the things that we believe deeply as is our responsibility as parents, because we will. Instead, I continue to find that I need to step back and allow her to make mistakes. I need to allow her to fail (which is not easy). I need to let her learn lessons that are not always going to be easy to learn.

In thinking about this, I came across a few interesting links that I thought I would share with all of you:

Today’s task is for you to think about your own children and write down your thoughts on when you feel that you MUST hold them, when you MUST fold them, when you MUST walk away and when you MUST run in regards to your children. Once you come up with this list share it with a significant other or other close family member and discuss it. Also, come back here and share your thoughts with other parents as a comment below or link to a blog post if you have committed to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well.

Good luck with day 17 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

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30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 16: Be Cognizant of Being Over Protective of Your Kids

dadofdivas

– October 9, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Today and tomorrow’s post are going to be about issues regarding the protection of our children and being able to let go when needed.

Today we are talking about being protective our children. When I talk about this, it is important to know what it means to be protective and what it means to be overprotective. There have been many times when I have seen parents who disagree to the extent of protecting their children, and I have even found J-Mom and I differing on this every now and again. Thus, as parents you must have a discussion while your children are young to determine where that line is for each of you. Every parent is different and there is no right answer regarding this, but there are signs of over protection that you should be aware of and steer away from.

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

How far can you child ride their bike without you being concerned about their well being?
Can you child go and play in the dirt (getting dirty along the way) without repercussion?
If your child starts to cry (or fake cry) do you run to their side or do you take more of the “are you bleeding?” approach.
Do your children make choices for themselves or do they always defer to you?

If you answered yes to any (or all) of the above, this does not mean completely that you are overprotective, but it may give you something to pause about as you are thinking about the raising of your children. As the below articles will reflect, providing a safe environment is critical, yet it is very important to provide your kids room to grow and learn in an environment that encourages exploration and (some) risk taking.

Today’s task is for you to answer the above questions as well as review the above articles. What are your thoughts regarding this? Do you find yourself to be overprotective? In what ways? What steps will you take to provide your kids more room to make choices and take risks? Do you feel that being overly protective is a negative trait, why or why not? Once complete, come back and share these ideas with the rest of the group.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 16 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 15: Set Aside Bad Habits

dadofdivas

– October 8, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Whether it is eating unhealthy, watching to much television, spending too much time on the computer, not being active, we all have our bad habits. The challenge as parents is to not let these habits become so chronic that your children begin to emulate what you are doing. As I have mentioned before, your children have a keen eye and notice when you do or do not do something.

An example of this was a child that I know who was spending a lot of time in front of the television. The child’s parents wanted their child to spend more time being active and reading as they were finding that the lack of these was impacting the child in school as well. The parents mentioned to me that in confronting this older child, they received a response of: “You and Dad don’t do either of these things!”

What we do or do not do says volumes about what is the right thing to do. Thus we as parents must find ways to curtail our bad habits to let our children follow our examples (as they will follow – especially when they are young).

For me personally, I need to do a better job at not staying in front of the computer as much (at least when the family is awake). I also need to be able to get back into an exercise routine so that my kids see that being active and fit is important. I know that these are things that I have to work on, it is not always easy though to follow through with the actions that you know you need to follow. One of the pieces of advice that I have for you in working on this is to have a person that will hold you to the task you set before yourself. This can be a friend, significant other, family member or other person that will keep nudging you and trying to keep you on the straight and narrow.

In researching this post I came up with a number of resources that I wanted to share with you all:

http://www.ehow.com/how_2261692_change-bad-habit.html

http://www.ehow.com/how_13319_break-habit.html

Today’s task is for you to sit down and list the bad habits that you know that you have. Second is to ask someone close to you to write a list of habits that they see that you may have. Swap lists (do not get defensive when you read the other person’s list). Have a discussion about the list and brainstorm ways between the two of you that you could begin to take control of your bad habits. Once complete, come back and share these ideas with the rest of the group. I also recommend that you read the above articles, for some ways to thinking about changing and breaking bad habits.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well.

Good luck with day 15 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 14: Preserving Memories

dadofdivas

– October 7, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

As anyone will tell you I am a person who loves to take photos. You will find many of them on this site. I do this as a hobby but more so to document my and my family’s lives. I believe strongly in the importance of preserving memories. As mentioned above, I do this through the camera. I also though have done this through research into my own family history.Delving into your family genealogy takes time, and effort. Prior to having kids I spent a lot of time researching my and J-Mom’s histories. This was done through sites such as Ancestry.com
as well as talking to living relatives about what they knew about the history of our family. Oral transcripts were made and verified and then shared with other people in our family. I completely encourage you to do this while you have family members to talk with, as I have found that the older that some family members get the vaguer the recollection gets. This is not the case with all relatives, but overall, it’s important to get the information while you can, and before it disappears into the midst of the past.I hope as a parent to share our family history with my girls and as they get older I hope to continue my research into my family as I find it interesting to uncover new relatives living today and in the past and finding out what it was like for my ancestors in past times.

There are other ways to preserve memories such as passing on traditions from one generation to another. This could be through the sharing of a family heirloom, passing on the secret family reipe to great grandma’s spaghetti sauce or other such important family specific things.

In researching this post I came up with a number of resources that I wanted to share with you all:

http://www.momcentral.com/celebrations/preserving-memories-taking-pictures.html

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/storytelling/89465

http://ezinearticles.com/?Beginning-Your-Family-History-Search-and-Preserving-Memories&id=2480864

Today’s task is for you to sit down and come up with five ways you can preserve your memories and five traditions you would like to be able to pass on to your children. If you are already doing this, share with others your accomplishments so that we all can grown and learn from your experiences. I would also suggest that if you have never done it, make a simple family tree such as what you will find in the following:

http://www.geni.com/

http://www.genealogybeginner.com/

http://www.make-family-tree.com/index.html

http://www.myheritage.com/page/make-a-family-tree-online

http://www.ehow.com/how_2052802_make-family-tree.html

http://www.ancestry.com

Depending on how old your child is, you may be able to work on this together and make it a family affair.

I am also interested to know about how the family that you grew up within preserved the memory of your ancestors. If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well.

Good luck with day 14 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

101

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 13: Defining Your Family Values

dadofdivas

– October 6, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Family values are things that are many times passed down from generation to generation, and they play a monumental role in how your child learns and grows. Defining this time will help your family to understand what is important and what it means when you are talking about issues such as family time, play time, and other larger issues such as spirituality and the beliefs that you wish your child to grow up with. It is also through your family values that you can teach your children the importance of things such as The Golden Rule and other such important messages that many of us try to instill within our own children.

Many times the ideas of family values falls into a religious undertone, and I am not moving in this direction with the task for the day. Instead I am asking you all to consider what you value as a family unit (which may include items of spirituality) and also how you are sharing and teaching and reinforcing these values to your children on a daily basis.

In researching this post I came up with a number of resources that I wanted to share with you all:

Today’s task is for you to sit down and come up with a list of your own family values. What is most important to you and you and what do you hope that your children are taking away form their childhood that they will carry on into the future? If your children are older, you may want to consider getting them involved within this discussion. If you feel that you have already mastered this, come up with five things you have done to accomplish this. Once complete, come back and share these ideas with the rest of the group. I also recommend that you read the above articles, especially the first one for some other tips on defining your family values.

I am also interested to know about what values that your family held as you were growing up and what you have continued to share with your own children. If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well.

Good luck with day 13 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 12: Set House Rules

dadofdivas

– October 5, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

J-Mom and I sometimes watch Supernanny and one of the first things that she would always do is have the family set the house rules. For the first few years of Diva-J’s life we worked on inherent rules, but as she got older, we came to find that the inherent rules were not working.

In the past few months we have found that Diva-J was starting to take advantage of our “house rules” and with that in mind J-Mom and I decided to come together and put together a list of explicit house rules that Diva-J could see every day and hopefully follow. I placed a picture of the rules that J-Mom and I came up with on this page. What we included may not be the same as what are important within your own home, and as I continue to read and learn, I am finding that the rules of today may not look exactly the same a year from now. As parents we must be flexible based on what is happening within the home and what is happening between us and our kids.

Yet, house rules are important as it sets the tone of the home for everyone, and it allows for all who enter to see what they should be able to expect within our home. It also assists with babysitters to allow them to know what they should be seeing or expecting from our kids when they are at our home.

In researching this post I came up with a number of resources that I wanted to share with you all:

Today’s task is for you to sit down and come up with your house rules (depending on how old your kids are you may want to include them in the decision making process). These rules must then be posted in a visible location for all to see. You then must sit down with your family to go over the rules and talk about what will happen if the rules are not followed. If you already have your house rules, share them as I have shared my own above. Once you complete this task, come back and share these ideas with the rest of the group. I also recommend that you read the above articles, especially the first one for some other tips on setting up your own house rules.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well.

Good luck with day 12 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 11: Show Love In All That You Do

dadofdivas

– October 4, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Most reports that I have read show that children (and most people) thrive best in a loving environment. With this in mind it is important for us to be able to show our children our love daily. This is not always an easy task, especially on the days when they seem to be pushing every button that we have, but it still remains to be one of the more important tasks that we can provide for our children as they are growing up.

How do we show love to our children? In a recent conversation with our pastor, he gave me some tips in how we can show love that I thought I would share. He stated that we show love in four ways. These include:

Hospitality

The art of being a host and being hospitable to others is something that has been with us for many many years. Hosting goes back to the days where many people had to hope to be hosted as the environment that they lived in was so dangerous that if they were not welcomed, they might not survive. These days, doing small things to make people welcome in your home, at work, etc. makes living that much better. Teaching our children this will help them as they get older and live on their own and will ultimately help them to build and maintain friendships as well.

CompassionCompassion moves us outside of ourselves and into the world. It allows us to show others through large and small gestures that they are cared for and that they matter to us. Allowing our children to understand this is important, as too often we forget to show our children that it is ok to show the love that they have. To send a thank you note, or to bring some cookies to a neighbor or friend. Compassion pushes us to be bigger than ourselves and asks us to think of others first. This is not always easy for our children to understand, but they must come to learn this to be people who will be adults who can make a difference and show love in all they do in the future (in my opinion).
RespectHow we treat each other and how we speak to each other can say volumes to our children. Do we listen to everything that our children say? What about our friends, or our family? Or rather do we only hear what we want to hear? Showing respect is something that allows us to let go of our defensiveness or self-righteousness. We are able to love others by putting ourselves in their shoes and attempting to try and understand their point of view, even if we do not agree with it. If we don’t agree with their views, it is still important to show our children that we will act with kindness, clarity and decency.
ForgivenessIt is important that we can set aside anything that our child may do and move forward the next day with a clean slate, thus allowing them to see that we will forgive them for there misdeeds. It is also important though to use the words to explain to them what forgiveness is. This continues in our dealings with others. If our children see that someone has done something to harm us, we must be able to show them that it is the right thing to forgive others. By forgiving others we can live with a free spirit and not be burdened with the weight of day to day resentment that sometimes begins to eat at us.

In researching this post I came up with a number of resources that I wanted to share with you all:

There are many other ways to show love in all that you do. Today’s task is for you is to sit down and come up with five ways you can better show love on a daily basis to your children. If you already have mastered this, come up with five things you have done to accomplish this. Once complete, come back and share these ideas with the rest of the group. I also recommend that you read the above articles, especially the first one for some other tips on being a great role model.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well.

Good luck with day 11 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

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