30 days to Becomming a Better Parent Archive

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 30: A Penny Saved Is A Penny Earned

– October 23, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

What is the value of teaching your child the value of money and the value of entrepreneurship at an early age?

The picture you see here was a few years ago when my daughter (then at age 3 and ¾) took her first venture into being a saleswoman. At a two-day rummage sale she wanted to sell cookies and kool-aid so we put up the money for the supplies and let her have her shot at making some money.

During the first day she was amazing and stayed with it for almost 8 hours, which as most of you know is an amazing feat for an almost 4 year old. She was asking all of our patrons “Do You Want A Cookie” before they even got out of their cars, and most would favor her with some patronage. It was quite humorous and people throughout the day mentioned that we had a born business woman on our hands.

This weekend made me start thinking about the right and wrong ways to teach our children about the value of money and the value of hard work. I mean I believe that I emulate the value of hard work in my every day work and show that to my daughters. Yet, I still want them to understand that money comes from hard work and that it mut be respected.

The money that Diva-J did make (just over $40) was provided to her and she had the choice of what she wanted to do with it (though we encouraged her to save at least ½ of it). She decided to purchase some Disney polly pockets and to save the other ½ in her savings account. All-in-all I do think that we taught her some about the money that she made from her work, but I do know that there is more that she needs to learn.

After thinking about this, I decided to examine this a bit more for resources that I could use with my own girls. I found the following resources:

So today’s task is to develop a list of ways in which you are teaching your child to appreciate the value of money. Once complete, please come back and share your list and activity with others. How did the activity go for you and whoever you shared the time with?

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 30 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

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30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 29: The Value of Friendships and Identifying True Friends

dadofdivas

– October 22, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

My oldest started school two years ago and on her first day she came home excited and stated “I made a new friend.” As all of us remember, friends were those people who truly carried us through good and bad times.

Unfortunately, there also were those pseudo friends that you thought were your friends, but really had other motives. Since we have moved to our new home we have had to deal with these pseudo friends, as everyone is a “friend” to a five year old.

We have some neighborhood kids that tend to hang out near our house and Diva-J has always been drawn to enjoying playing with kids that are older than her more than kids her own age. Sometimes this is fine, while at other times she can get taken advantage of by these older kids.

There is one, as I call it, fair weather friend that tends to come around on some days and on other days will not give Diva-J the time of day. This same “friend” tends to come over when Diva-PJ is outside as she likes babies.

It is difficult to help Diva-J understand the difference between friendship and real friendship. She also does not always understand the underlying mean nature that sometimes is occurring around her, as when I address the issue, she defends these “friends.”

It is at these times when I am at a loss for words, as I want Diva-J to have friendships, but at what cost. This also leads back to an earlier post that I had about being able to let go. It also though goes into the idea of when do you step in and save your child from others. I tend to try and let Diva-J learn some things by herself, but there have been times when I knew that she was being taken advantage of where I stepped in and said enough is enough and set the record, and the child affronting my child, straight.

So how do you teach your son or daughter about who is a true friend and who are just going through the motions so that they are somewhat held harmless? What have all of you done in the past?

In looking into this I found a few links I thought I would share with you all!

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

What has sustained your long-lasting friendships?
Are their common traits/characteristics of these friendships and if so what are they?
What concerns you about the friends that your child has?

As you begin to answer these questions you may find it necessary to revisit them over time as your answers and definitely the answers about your children will change as you all change and grow.

So today’s task is to answer the above questions. Second, make a list of things that you have done or will do to assist your child at understanding the value of friendships as well as helping them identify who their true friends actually are. Once complete, please come back and share your answers and thoughts with others.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 29 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 28: Teaching Perseverance

dadofdivas

– October 21, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Having your children know how to stick to the things that they start is one of the most important things that you can teach as a parent. The skills that you teach them regarding this will be ones that will continue to show up as your children get older and older.

Hopefully, once your child reaches adulthood they are ready to be able to take the world on with full force and understand what they must do to be able to survive in a challenging world.

So how can you do this as a parent? Here are a few thoughts on things you can do to help your child:

Applaud Efforts
Notice and applaud things that your child does that shows that they are striving toward a goal. Even if they do not succeed, heep encouraging and helping them to see that the goal is possible. You may even need to roll up your own sleeves to lend a hand (if asked – don’t rescue them completely as this may have the opposite effect).

Honest Feedback
Give your child honest feedback on how they are doing as they strive to meet the goal or task at hand. If they need to work on an area let them know. Do not tear them down, but build them up and let them know that you are behind them in what they are trying to achieve. Communicating though is key, so that they know that they are not alone and that they do have support if they choose to ask.

Identify and work past obstacles
Sometimes our children need some assistance in seeing the boulders in the path ahead. Make sure to ask them if they want advice before you give it and be wary of those children that always come to you for your advice. With these children, the better question may be, how do you think you can overcome this obstacle? By doing this you are continuing to challenge them and asking them to be creative with their solutions and not to merely rely on others for answers.

Being able to bounce back
The ultimate goal as I stated earlier is to have children who can get back up when they stumble or fall. We all want our kids to be successful and to be able to achieve all that they wish for in life, but we also know that no one is able to achieve everything without some failures along the way. The important thing is that our children do not give up, but instead they have the fortitude to stand back up, brush off their ego and move forward again.

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

How have I been persistent in the past?
What traits do I see in others that allow them to be persistent in their goals and in life?
What goals have I set for myself that I have achieved and how id I achieve these goals?
In what areas of my child’s life have I noticed persistence?

As you begin to answer these questions you may find it necessary to revisit them over time as your answers and definitely the answers about your children will change as you all change and grow.

In researching this topic I came across a few sites that I thought that I would share with all of you:

http://www.parentingbookmark.com/pages/articleMB06.htm

http://www.ehow.com/how_2065821_teach-child-perseverance.html

So today’s task is to answer the above questions. Second, come up with a list of 5 ways that you encourage persistence in your child. Once complete, please come back and share your list with others.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 28 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 27: Set Up Rituals With Your Kids

dadofdivas

– October 20, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Kids are creatures of habit, they expect things to be the same as they have been in the past. For me, this was specifically important as we moved in the past year. Both of our girls were at an age where they knew the rituals that we had been doing at our old house. Thus J-Mom and I knew that we would have to find a routine very soon in the new home to make our lives much happier all around.

Rituals can surround anything such as bedtime, dinnertime, visits to the library or other things. You also can set up rituals around holidays or other such special events such as always going to your grandparents house the day after thanksgiving or other such activities.

Many of the things that I remember in growing up are the rituals that my parents had for me as I was growing up and in talking to many other parents about rituals, these are the same things that they start with in their responses. In making/developing rituals for your own kids becomes that much more important, as your kids will definitely remember.

In researching this topic I came across a few sites that I thought that I would share with all of you:

So today’s task is to develop a list of the rituals that were important to you when you were growing up. Make a second list of the rituals that you currently have going on with your own children. Last, make a plan to start or start a new ritual with your family today.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well.Good luck with day 27 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 26: Be Engaged With Your Kids

dadofdivas

– October 19, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

When I talk about being engaged, I am referring to doing things directly with the kids that are important to them and that they find enjoyable and fun. This could be something such as cooking with them, playing sports or games or other such activity that brings a smile on your and your child’s face (as hopefully you are having fun as well).

Our children crave our attention and don’t care what else is on our minds. They don’t understand when we have a big deadline, or when we had a bad day. Instead, when they see you (especially as they are young) they light up and are happy to just have you around.

I know for me, I get distracted and get pulled away while at home, and sometimes it takes a word from J-Mom to break me out of my disconnected stupor to see that what I have in front of me is so much more important than what I was doing on the computer, or what was on the television or what was in a book. I appreciate the interrupt and at times I believe that we all need a bit of a disruption to get us back on track.

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

How are you engaged with your child?
How are you distracted from this engagement, and what can you do to minimize this when around your child?

As you begin to answer these questions you may find it necessary to revisit them over time as your answers and definitely the answers about your children will change as you all change and grow.

In researching this topic I came across a few sites that I thought that I would share with all of you:

So today’s task is to develop a list of five things that you can do to better engage with your child. Make sure that the list includes things that are important to the child but also will lead to positive experiences for you as well. Take one activity on the list and do it with your child today! Once complete, please come back and share your list and activity with others. How did the activity go for you and whoever you shared the time with?

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 25 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 25: Talk To Your Kids

dadofdivas

– October 18, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

One of the most important things in learning a new language is to speak to others in the language and have others speak to you in the same language. Also, in reviewing numerous parenting books, language acquisition of infants is greater with those that are spoken to often.Thus, from an early age parents need to be cognizant of this and need to instill the importance of communication in their kids.

As your kids get older, this communication becomes that much more important. Through disciplining your kids when they are young (so they can learn, grow and understand). As your kids enter school and they begin to meet other children, every day is an adventure. Some days are going to be positive, and some days will be negative. It is critical you’re your kids feel comfortable enough to talk to you about their hopes, fears, and concerns regarding their experiences so that they can know that they can depend on your support and guidance to assist them as they need it.

Even older, as your children start dating, as a parent you hopefully will have set a strong foundation for two way communication to occur. You will not always agree with each other, but with a foundation built you still should be able to communicate with each other so that you both can understand.

As they get to adulthood, your communication relationship will change as it has throughout their lives, but the foundation you set when they were young will remain solvent and critical for your future relationship to continue to flourish.

In researching this topic I came across the following links that I felt would be valuable resources for you to access.

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t061000.asp

Today’s task is to make a list of five things that you can do to better communicate with your children. Second, spend quality time with your children, talking to them and listening to their hopes, fears and dreams. Once complete with these tasks we ask that if you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 25 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 24: Become An Author

dadofdivas

– October 17, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

I have always written in journals. I still even have journals from when I was younger. As I have gotten older I still have continued to keep a journal. I have found that doing this helps to keep track of small things, important things as well as ideas and thoughts. I find that entries may be formal or informal.

I am recommending a journal to assist you as a parent because I have found that you as a parent you can not only see your own parental growth, but it can help you to assess your parenting and see what areas you may need to work on and develop.

Will your writing always be about parenting, probably not, but it could be if you so chose. One of the journals that I have kept is a journal for my daughters. Will I ever give it to them, maybe. I tend to be quite honest in it about the fears, concerns and truths about everything, and it would probably be quite a few years before the girls could understand and comprehend all that was in it. Never-the-less I still write in it and it is cathartic to say the least.

Many parent bloggers started their own blogs as a journal or letter to their own children. I know that this was the case for me. As I started to blog I wanted to leave something that my girls could look back at and say, wow, my Dad did really love me enough to write about me (maybe this is wishful thinking). As I have met more and more bloggers, I have continued to learn and grow myself in my writing and my parenting skills.

In researching this post I found the following resources that may assist you in starting a journal.

Today’s challenge is to take one week and start a daily journal about your own parenting journal. There is no set style that you must follow or length that is required. Simply follow through and see what you think at the end of the week. Come back here to let people know about your thoughts about how things are going after the first few days as well as the mid point and end of the process.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 24 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 23: Serving Others

dadofdivas

– October 16, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

I used to be a a Rotarian and their creed is “Service Above Self”, thus for me it is important to be able to live this on a daily basis and also espouse it to my children with the hope that they will follow my example as they grow older.

Serving others can be as simple as doing something like what you see in the image above, or it can be giving your time to a child through Big Brothers/Big Sisters. No matter how you serve, it is important that your children see you doing this and understand why it is important. Too often in the media driven age that we live in, children fail to see the good in others and the good in reaching out and making a difference to people around them. Watching you as their parents, they will see either through overt or non-action what is important and will take your cue. Thus, if you can start instilling in your children at an early age that serving others in some way that is meaningful to them is positive and important, they will live a life of service as they grow into adulthood.

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

How do you and your child serve others?
What are some activities that you and your child can do together that will serve others in your community?

As you begin to answer these questions you may find it necessary to revisit them over time as your answers and definitely the answers about your children will change as you all change and grow.

In researching this topic I came across a few sites that I thought that I would share with all of you:

Today’s task is for you to answer the above questions as well as review the above articles. What are your thoughts regarding this topic? Make a list of the ways that you serve others on a daily/weekly basis. Once you have completed these tasks, come back and share your thoughts with the rest of the group.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 23 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 22: Always Use Words, Not Violence

dadofdivas

– October 15, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Children are exposed to violence everyday as they turn on the television, look on the computer, read magazines or stories. They see it in front of them and yet do not always know how to process this. If they also see and feel violence within their own home in how their families deal and react to them, this begins to teach them other things that may not be as healthy (not to say that the former list of items are healthy as most are not).

As parents we make many choices that impact our children. In regards to violence, one of the largest things that we have to decide is whether to spank or not to spank our children. The post today is not going to be a pro and con discussion about spanking, far from it, but this is something that falls into the discussion when talking about violence within the home.

All studies that I have been able to find agree that physical violence with children is detrimental to their development and self-esteem, and leads to teaching children that this type of violence if alright. The challenge is whether you as a parent believe that spanking fits into the category of physical violence.

Outside of this what I have come to find in my research is that there are alternatives to hitting that parents may wish to consider. First and foremost is to use words, and help your children to use their words to express their feelings. In an article that I found in researching this topic they provided a list of eleven alternatives to violence that parents can take which is relevant here, they include:

Begin providing guidance and limit setting as early as infancy
Keep communicating your words to your baby and young child
Show mild disapproval of undesirable behavior
Discuss your feelings about what you see
Empathize by putting yourself in their shoes
Offer alternatives
Redirect your child’s attention
Be consistent and follow through (do what you say)
Offer encouragement when your child follows through
Thinking time – have your child sit with you and think about their actions and have him or her decide what they could do differently next time.
Offer solutions and ideas with your child – sometimes they don’t know what to do and need your guidance.

There are challenging children out there who do not always seem to respond to these tactics, but most experts state that the most important thing for parents is to be consistent with discipline and not to waiver, especially between parents. Our children must know that their parents will have a solid front when it comes to their actions and that they can expect the same treatment no matter who they are with.

Your children must be respected and loved for the people that they are and must be able to feel that they are safe to make mistakes and are in a safe environment to grow and learn. The perpetuation of violent acts within a home whether between parent and parent or parent to child breaks down a child instead of building up a child.

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

How do you react to your child when you are upset?
How do you currently disipline your child?
How is the way that you are disciplining your child helping them to become a better person?
Are there any actions that you are taking that break down your child’s self esteem? If so what are these, and what can you do to build it back up again?

As you begin to answer these questions you may find it necessary to revisit them over time as your answers and definitely the answers about your children will change as you all change and grow.

In researching this topic I came across a few sites that I thought that I would share with all of you:

Today’s task is for you to answer the above questions as well as review the above articles. What are your thoughts regarding this topic? Make a list of your passions and share them with your spouse/partner/friend. Talk about these passions and talk about how you can share these passions with your children. Once you have completed these tasks, come back and share your thoughts with the rest of the group.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 22 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

30 Days to Becoming a Better Parent Day 21: Be Your Child’s Biggest Fan

dadofdivas

– October 14, 2011Posted in: 30 days to Becomming a Better Parent

Children are looking for your approval at all times. They want to feel that they are wanted, needed, and accepted for who they are. As they begin to grow and learn about their passions as we talked about in yesterday’s post, it will be important for you as their parent to do whatever you can to become your child’s biggest fan.

What does it mean to be your child’s biggest fan you may ask? Well, this means that you know your child,their likes, their dislikes. You know what they aspire to become and the heroes that they have. You are aware of why they do the things they do and what gives them energy and what discourages them. Think about fans of celebrities and all that they know about the person they are passionate about. They are aware of every single detail of their life and will do whatever they can to be that person’s biggest proponent and ally. As a parent, this is your job, you must take on this role with your own child.

When you think about being a fan, the first thing in your mind may be sports and when looking into this topic, much of the writing on this topic surrounds sports. One of the articles that I examined talked about five different ways parents provide unhealthy and healthy encouragement to children in sports – these included:

Unhealthy Encouragement

1. Quick to criticize and slow to praise
2. Selectively shows love, support, and approval based upon the child’s performance
3. Becomes cold and critical when the child fails to live up to expectations
4. Lives out athletic aspirations through the child
5. Encourages the child to mimic the training habits or skills of professional athletes

Healthy Encouragement

1. Emphasize fun and participation
2. Define winning as a level of effort, not the score of the game
3. Measure improvement of skill, not by comparison to other children
4. Maintain open communication with the child throughout the sports experience
5. Let the child experience the dynamics of sport at his or her own pace

Though much of the writing is about sports, this does not mean that the above encouragment cannot be transferred to any other type of activity that your child is passionate about. Whether it is sports, band, drama, dance or other such activity, the above list of healthy and unhealthy habits still remain true.

Some questions you should ask yourself include:

Am I my child’s biggest fan? Do I know everything about my child? If not, answer the following questions.
How to I show that I am a fan of my child?
What are other ways that I can show my child that I am their biggest fan?

As you begin to answer these questions you may find it necessary to revisit them over time as your answers and definitely the answers about your children will change as you all change and grow.

In researching this topic I came across a few sites that I thought that I would share with all of you:

Today’s task is for you to answer the above questions as well as review the above articles. What are your thoughts regarding this topic? Make a list of the things that you know about your child and clarify things that you are not aware of currently. Once you have completed these tasks, come back and share your thoughts with the rest of the group.

If you are so inclined please leave your responses in a comment below or link to a blog post if you are going to commit to joining me on this journey so that others can learn from you as well. Good luck with day 21 and I look forward to your thoughts and comments!

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